Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development ?
The majority of people
use
online socialise as an easy way with relative communication
, Replace the word
communicate
however
, Increasing online use
helping
to spread wide sociality people, Wrong verb form
helps
instead
meeting
in public Change preposition
of meeting
place
. In my point of Fix the agreement mistake
places
the
view, Correct article usage
apply
although
online socialise
is reliable and offerable, there are Wrong verb form
socialising
thread
for Fix the agreement mistake
threads
relationship
.
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
To being
, the spread wide using online tools Verb problem
apply
habhaizered
, Wrong verb form
has been spread
it
Correct word choice
and it
contribute
to Change the verb form
contributes
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
a
serious problem Change preposition
in a
such
us. Isolation, for clear that
, when children Correct word choice
apply
spent
most time with smart online Wrong verb form
spend
thus
, will lose his
ability to talk and make proper conversation with family or friends. Because he Correct pronoun usage
their
become
addicted. So he usually prefer Wrong verb form
became
seat
at Verb problem
to sit
his
home rather than improve his skills it will disappear, Correct pronoun usage
apply
in addition
it effectied on
his academic result. Verb problem
affects
Moreover
, they spent
all night chatting or Wrong verb form
spend
play
online games which Wrong verb form
playing
lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
be
late to Change the verb form
being
get
bed.Verb problem
apply
thus
, they will Capitalize word
Thus
used to
lose control of their healthy lifestyle.
Despite Verb problem
apply
these
Change the determiner
this negativity
negativity
there are positive using online social. Add a comma
negativity,
Firstly
, To save time, there are many application
makes organising tasks and Fix the agreement mistake
applications
record
Wrong verb form
recording
the
productivity within a whole day, Correct article usage
apply
in addition
it could use
Wrong verb form
be used
it
to find a recipe for cooking or shopping online to buy goods Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
you can make reservation
for travelling.Add an article
a reservation
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
google mapping
Correct your spelling
Google Mapping
it
helps driver Correct pronoun usage
apply
to
reach their destination, so all these Verb problem
apply
service
make life easier and convenient.
Change the determiner
services
To conclude
, online become a rapidly acceleration invention across the world. Even though it has plenty of facilities, recently government
Correct article usage
the government
depends
on online for most general Wrong verb form
has depended
service
to decrease the queue in the office, in my aspect online is Fix the agreement mistake
services
consider
Change the form of the verb
considered
the
crucial Correct article usage
apply
use
in the future in all Fix the infinitive
to use
field
of life, health, Fix the agreement mistake
fields
financial
and Replace the word
finances
environment
.Correct article usage
the environment
Submitted by M on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear and logical structuring. Paragraphs and sentences should be organized in a logical manner, making it easier for readers to follow the argument. It's essential to have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that summarise the main points cohesively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved. The introduction should more clearly present the topic and your stance on it, and the conclusion should effectively summarise the main points and restate your position without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Main points are presented but are not adequately supported with specific and relevant examples or explanations. Strengthen the essay by adding detailed examples, explaining how they relate to the main points, and demonstrating a clear link between your examples and your overall argument.
task achievement
The response does not thoroughly address the essay topic, as task requirements are not fully met. It's necessary to clearly present your position on whether the rise in online socialisation is a positive or negative development and discuss both sides of the argument with relevant points.
task achievement
Your ideas are not expressed clearly, and the essay lacks comprehensive explanations. Each paragraph should contain one main idea or argument that is clearly defined and elaborated upon.
task achievement
Use of relevant and specific examples is limited. Enhance your essay by adding concrete examples that support your arguments and demonstrate a deep understanding of the topic. Avoid general statements and instead provide specific incidents or facts.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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