In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviours. What do you think the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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There are an increasing number of problems regarding
students
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’ behaviours at
school
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around the world.
This
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essay will discuss the causes of
this
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attitude and suggest some possible solutions. In my opinion, two main factors are to blame for
poor
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the poor
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behaviours
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behaviour
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from
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of
show examples
students
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.
Firstly
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, teachers’
attitude
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attitudes
show examples
have a profound impact on student’s
behaviour
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in class.
This
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means that any unfairness or biases from teachers can result in rebellious
attitude
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attitudes
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from
students
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. Another explanation for
this
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kind of
behaviour
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is that some
students
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aren’t taught by their parents how they should behave at
school
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. It is assumed by the parents that it’s the
school
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’s job to do that. In fact, both of these factors contribute
into
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to
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even
worser
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worse
issue
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issues
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regarding
student’s
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student
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behaviour
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.
This
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problem could be improved if people with higher positions in
school
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such
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as the principal implement stricter regulations into the
school
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. In the long run, teachers
as well as
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students
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should follow the rule, if not, detention or penalty for inappropriate
behaviour
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should be carried out.
For instance
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,
students
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left
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who leave
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their homework undone for too
many
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much
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time will be assigned to detention
afterschool
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after school
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.
As a result
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, they will be afraid of getting into detention
thus
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acting more
appropriate
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appropriately
show examples
in class.
Additionally
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, to prevent biases, stricter rules for grading should be applied.
This
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can be shown through the act of taking out the name from the candidate’s paper to limit unfairness from the examiner. As for parents, they should
taught
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teach
be taught
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their
child
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children
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at a young age
on
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apply
show examples
how to act properly at
school
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as it will be passed on over generations. In general,
while
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inappropriate actions from
students
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are
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apply
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still
existed
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exist
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,
this
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can easily be improved by logic and rigid rules
along side
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alongside
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with
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apply
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parents’ support.
Submitted by trinhbakhanhlinh on

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task achievement
Ensure you fully develop your main ideas with clear explanations and more thorough examples. The essay provides a general discussion on the causes and solutions for student behaviour issues, however, some points are not elaborated in detail. For instance, when discussing teacher bias, include specific examples or scenarios to illustrate the issues and potential impacts. Similarly, when proposing solutions, give concrete examples of the rules or strategies that might be implemented and how they would directly address the problems identified.
coherence cohesion
Make certain that your essay has a clear and logical structure with well-organized paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and a coherent sequence of sentences to support it. While your essay generally meets these criteria, there are instances where the argument could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more logical development. For example, in the paragraph about suggested solutions, separate your ideas into different sentences and expand on each one to enhance clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic-specific vocabulary to create better flow and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency. While you use some linking words appropriately, such as 'Firstly' and 'Additionally', more variety and more precise language will improve your overall score. Be cautious with repetitive structures and aim to use synonyms and complex sentence forms to express your ideas. Also, pay attention to articles and plural forms to avoid minor grammatical errors.
task achievement
Review and correct spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'worser' which should be 'worse', and pay attention to subject-verb agreement ('means that any unfairness or biases from teachers can result in rebellious attitude' should be 'biases... can result in a rebellious attitude'). These errors detract from the overall quality of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • disruptive behaviour
  • disciplinary problems
  • peer pressure
  • mental health
  • cultural factors
  • extracurricular activities
  • supervision
  • guidance
  • exposure
  • overcrowded classrooms
  • violent content
  • adolescents
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • boredom
  • misbehaviour
  • inappropriate content
  • media influence
  • stress management
  • conflict resolution
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