IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts
illustrates
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illustrate
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 the average domestic consumption of
Malaysia
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 and
Japan
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 in the year 2010. The
overall
Linking Words
 data depicts that housing and cuisine are both the most consumed
variable
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variables
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 in
Malaysia
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 and
Japan
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 in 2010
while
Linking Words
 well-being cost is the lowest rate among others. The
distributon
Correct your spelling
distribution
 between consumed items in some
part
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parts
show examples
 of households in
Japan
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 and
Malaysia
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 is slightly different
with
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apply
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showing variables like Housing, Commuting, food, and Health Care. In
Japan
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, Food consumption in
Add an article
the household
a household
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household
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households
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 is at
peak
Correct pronoun usage
its peak
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with
Change preposition
at
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 24 %
while
Linking Words
Malaysia
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 experienced
Correct article usage
a slighlty
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slighlty
Correct your spelling
slightly
in
Change preposition
apply
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higher
Add an article
a higher
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 position
with
Change preposition
at
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 27 %. Resident expenditure costs
the
Add a missing verb
are the
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 lowest in both countries with 6% in
Japan
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 and 3% in
Malaysia
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.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 significant difference happened in the commuting fees with
half
Add an article
the half
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difference
Correct article usage
the difference
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among
Change preposition
between
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two
Correct article usage
the two
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 nations.
Japan
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 consumed the most with 20%
while
Linking Words
Malaysia
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 spent half less than
Japan
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 by 10% Housing.
Malaysia
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 and
Japan
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also
Linking Words
 spent the domestic consumption with other
good
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goods
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 and services by 21% in
Japan
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 and 34% in
Malaysia
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. It can be concluded that Tranportation Housing fees are spent more by Japanese
household
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households
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that
Correct word choice
than
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 Malaysian
household
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households
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 showing
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 doubled in
Japan
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words malaysia, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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