IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, not enough students study science subjects. What are the causes? What will be the effect on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #students #study #science #subjects #effect #society
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Certian
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Certain
 nations lack the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 who choose the
scientfic
Correct your spelling
scientific
 faculties. The reasons behind it might cover many
domainds
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domains
 including;
fininacial
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financial
 situations and advanced technologies.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the factors contributing to the phenomenon and the
relevent
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relevant
 impacts
among
Change preposition
on
show examples
 communities.
First,
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many undergraduate
students
Use synonyms
 are affected by the rapid internet evolution, which facilitated
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
easy access to many basic and sophisticated information.
Therefore
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,
students
Use synonyms
 now choose a career path that depends on their knowledge and skills,
in other words
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, they want a career where they can not be replaced with technological devices.
For instance
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, studying physics is not
fundemntal
Correct your spelling
fundamental
 in contributing to
the
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apply
show examples
coorperate
Correct your spelling
corporate
 work, because you can find any piece of information using Google.
On the other hand
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, if
this
Linking Words
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
long-term
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long term
show examples
, it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 decrease the amount of
science
Use synonyms
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
, and
thus
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, it will negatively affect the learning process in schools, so the upcoming generations will not
obtian
Correct your spelling
obtain
 the needed scientific background, because they will not prefer to spend screen times of valuable
science
Use synonyms
 materials
instead
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 of low-valued
joyfull
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joyful
joyfully
 content.
Second,
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when
someon
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someone
 thinks about his or her career path, they
definetly
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definitely
 consider the future net income, and
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
science
Use synonyms
 courses doesn't usually lead to a wealthy lifestyle.
Accordingly
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,
students
Use synonyms
 will prefer conducting a major that helps
enhancing
Wrong verb form
enhance
show examples
 their
finiancial
Correct your spelling
financial
 worth, rather than choosing an average path with a middle-income life.
Nevertheless
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,
students
Use synonyms
 still underestimate the
improtance
Correct your spelling
importance
 of
science
Use synonyms
, because earning
konweldge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 is
also
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 valuable, and it
facilitate
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facilitates
show examples
 having more money in one way or another, so eventually, people might have enough money but will never have enough information to elevate
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 position, and
thus
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 will not have many achievements in life. In conclusion, some pupils avoid studying scientific courses because they want a higher income or a challenging job. But the community significantly needs scientific jobs to be richer in
knoweldge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and to educate the upcoming generations.
Submitted by makahlehaseel on

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coherence cohesion
There are noticeable issues with the logical structure of your essay. Your ideas need to be presented in a clearer and more organized manner. Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea that is developed logically.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could be better structured. It is important that these paragraphs distinctly present the topic and summarize the main points, respectively. Work on making your introduction more engaging and your conclusion more conclusive.
coherence cohesion
You made an effort to support your main points, but the support provided lacks depth and breadth. Aim to provide more detailed examples and a deeper analysis of the issues you mention.
task achievement
You addressed the task and provided responses to the prompts, but you could have developed your ideas more completely. Make sure you fully expand upon the causes and effects mentioned, providing comprehensive insight into the topic.
task achievement
Your ideas are understandable, but they need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Work on clarifying your thoughts and making them more robust.
task achievement
Provide relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. The examples given lack specificity and do not sufficiently support your points. Use concrete evidence from your knowledge or experience to make your essay more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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