IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people no longer read newspapers or watch TV news programmes. Instead they get news about the world from the Internet. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #newspapers #tv #news #programmes #world #internet #development
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Nowadays, the world is directed into modern practices, some of which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 following up with
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
news
 via the
internet
 platforms,
while
 previously,
people
 used to purchase newspapers or keep up with the television’s anchors. In my opinion, using technological platforms to get
news
 is a positive achievement, the essay will discuss the advantages
behind
Change preposition
of
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 using the
internet
 as our
news
 presenter. On the one hand, getting paper resources requires effort and money,
for example
, in the past, if you wanted to buy a newspaper, you would need to pay for it and waste your time, maybe in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
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 or waiting in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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line.
Moreover
, newspaper and television is not always
an
Correct article usage
apply
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accessible option for all age groups,
for instance
, elderly
people
 do not have the physical
abilities
Fix the agreement mistake
ability
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 to properly read small fonts in the newspaper or focus
with
Change preposition
on
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the
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apply
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irreversible live TV programs.
On the other hand
, the huge advanced services that we are using today that lead to reaching
news
 via the
internet
serves
Correct subject-verb agreement
serve
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 many advantages. Accessing online
news
 is cheap, affordable and accessible
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because it only requires
internet
 access.
Additionally
, the individual doesn’t need to go to a certain shop to get
such
 a service, he can pursue international platforms
while
 sitting on his couch in the living room.
Furthermore
, the
internet
 devices have various features, like zooming in, zooming out, referring to another window, undo and redo; which make scrolling the
news
 via the
internet
 more accessible to many age and diverse groups particularly
people
 with disabilities. In conclusion, many
people
 may still prefer
the
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apply
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traditional newspapers over
the
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apply
show examples
internet
news
, but I think that accessing
such
 information via the
internet
 is a good development as it is much easier and less expensive.
Submitted by makahlehaseel on

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task achievement
Make sure to address both the positive and negative aspects of the development since the question asks for discussion on both. You have primarily focused on the positive effects without sufficiently addressing the potential negatives.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the fluidity of your essay. The use of transitional phrases and conjunctions can help guide the reader through your arguments more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence to establish the main point. Follow this with further explanation and specific examples to support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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