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Band 4.5

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effect of this epidemic?

#people #effect #epidemic
These days, more and more people
has
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have
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 suffered the
obesity
 issue around the world as compared to the past
due to
 consuming fast
foods
 and beverages vastly, being a sedentary lifestyle.
This
 can lead to
getting
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apply
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serious health issues and mental problems.
This
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In this
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 essay, I will discuss both reasons and impacts
on
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of
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this
 trend. There are some reasons are the public is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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overweight
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays. One of the main causes is that the population are consuming more fast
foods
 and beverages, particularly among youngsters than home-made nourishments.
This
 is because
of
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apply
show examples
they are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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addicted
for
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to
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 eating junk
foods
 frequently even
in
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on
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everyday
Correct article usage
an everyday
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 basis
in
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on
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 behalf of taste of the fast
foods
.
For example
, in the USA,
the
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apply
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teens and adults are eaten more hamburger and pizza for their everyday meals, and
as a result
, their youngsters
has
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have
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sizeable
Correct article usage
a sizeable
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obesity
 problem as compared to other nations. Another reason is that
being
Verb problem
having
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 a sedentary lifestyle can make overweight to the population.
This
 is because of lack of exercise, people do not like to do physical exercise
besides
 they like to watch series and movies through mobile and smart TV
while
 they eat more fat-based snacks, and
as a result
, they can get overweight.
This
 trend creates more impacts
to
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apply
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around the world like
obesity
 issues. People can suffer many serious health issues
such
 as increasing the risk of cancer, heart attack,
store
Correct your spelling
stroke
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 and diabetes.
This
 is because
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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fast
foods
Change the noun form
food
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 ingredients are not healthy and it is a
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
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 modern nutrition. Another impact is that
the
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apply
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individuals can
be suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
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 mentally and emotionally when they are not doing any physical exercises to burn their fat.
This
 is because
of
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apply
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they might get more stress, depression, bullying, eating
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
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, low self-esteem and anxiety from others who are fit and lean.
For instance
, a medical research council in the USA says
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 individuals should do any physical exercise
in
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on
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their
Change the word
an
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 everyday basis even small activities namely walking.
To conclude
,
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
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 is an inevitable issue
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around the world. Being a sedentary lifestyle and eating fast nourishments
vastly
Rephrase
apply
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are the main reasons for
this
. Increasing the risk of cancer, some other
life shorten
Correct your spelling
life-threatening
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 diseases and
affecting
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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mental health problems are the impacts of
this
obesity
 troubles.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
The essay's introduction does not clearly paraphrase the question or present a thesis statement that lays out the structure of what will be discussed. To improve, ensure the introduction restates the question in your own words and clearly delineates your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your main points should be more clearly separated into distinct paragraphs, and each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence supporting the main idea. Moreover, there should be clear logical connectors between paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that examples given to support your points are specific, relevant and detailed. Each point you make should be illustrated with a clear example that supports your argument or explanation. When citing facts or statistics, accuracy is crucial.
task achievement
Make sure to address both the causes and effects of the issue as per the task's requirements. Both aspects should be given equal attention and developed fully to provide a complete response to the question. Ensure that there is a balance in the treatment of both parts of the prompt.
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