Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of the affect on others. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
Nowadays we can notice that some
people
argue an choosing person
or careerCorrect article usage
a person
live
.Rephrase
apply
Number
of Change the article
A number
The number
people
believe personal live
is vital in their lives.Replace the word
life
Other
think that they should start with Fix the agreement mistake
Others
carear
.There are a lot of advantages Correct your spelling
career
of
both.Change preposition
to
For
example
Add a comma
example,
people
who take risks their
work because of their families or in a Change preposition
in their
contatary
.But these factors Correct your spelling
country
related
Add a missing verb
are related
with
each Change preposition
to
others
.
Change to a singular noun
other
To begin
with
career Add a comma
with,
hight
is important for Correct your spelling
height
earn
money,especially for breadwinners of families Change the verb form
earning
that is
why,if people
will
start with work,it would be better for Verb problem
apply
personal
Correct pronoun usage
their personal
live
Replace the word
lives
also
.In future
they would not have trouble Add a comma
future,
connected
with Change the form of the verb
connecting
another
taxes,Correct quantifier usage
other
overall
with reciving
wonderful,and Correct your spelling
receiving
enoughfull
live.If they decide Correct your spelling
enough full
build
a family.
Add the particle
to build
In
Change preposition
On
other
hand something we can notice Correct article usage
the other
this
,people
Correct word choice
that people
prone
to doing their Add a missing verb
are prone
works
.They forgot about their families,Fix the agreement mistake
work
their
friends it Correct word choice
and their
is seems
really worse.I saw a lot of my job and money.I spent my time only Change the verb form
seems
to
my job,Change preposition
on
I
skipped a lot of moments,that I would had.When I Correct word choice
and I
realased
that it was too late.Of Correct your spelling
realised
realized
course
I still love my profession,but I lost my time.
In Add a comma
course,
conclusion
I suspect that Add a comma
conclusion,
everything
,work or family Change preposition
in everything
people
must keep balance
between them.And after Add an article
a balance
the balance
it
will be better than now.Correct pronoun usage
that it
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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential in IELTS essays to frame the argument and summarise the discussion. Try to start with a clear opening paragraph that directly addresses the prompt and finish with a conclusive paragraph summarising your key points.
logical structure
There was minimal logical structuring of the essay, with ideas presented in a haphazard manner, making it difficult to follow. Each paragraph should contain one main idea, clearly presented and developed with specific examples to support your points.
complete response
While the essay hints at discussing the impact of career and personal life on each other, the ideas are not fully developed, and there is little to no reference to the prompt regarding entertainers being overpaid and their societal impact. To improve, ensure each paragraph specifically addresses elements of the question, expanding on the 'entertainers are paid too much' and 'their impact on society' aspects, and then contrasting with the opposing viewpoint before presenting your own opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay lacked clarity and comprehensive ideas related to the topic. Points were raised without being fully explained or connected back to the topic. To improve, present clear ideas related to the prompt and discuss them comprehensively, linking back to the topic at hand. Use clear topic sentences to signal each new idea.
relevant specific examples
There was a lack of relevant and specific examples to support the points made in the essay. IELTS essays benefit from concrete examples that illustrate the writer's point of view. Try to include specific examples that directly relate to the topic, especially when discussing both sides of an argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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