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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for children to learn the differences between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? what sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior?

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Punishment is vital to teach
children
Use synonyms
 how to distinguish right and wrong in infancy age. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement as I believe that
children
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 can learn
this
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 matter in other ways with the help of their teachers and
parents
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 which I will explain in
this
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 essay. In my opinion, punishing
kids
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 isn'
t
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 an efficient method as infants don'
t
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 have any idea what happened and why they are punished, and for other
kids
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 rewarding for their good deeds and discouraging them from bad deeds have deep influences. Another way is that distinguishing right and wrong should be taught through telling stories that attract youngsters or
parents
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'
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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.
However
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, some mothers and fathers consider heavy fines for their offspring and they aren'
t
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 informed of the grave consequences. By way of example, some
parents
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 lock the room's door to
children
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 to aware them of their insufficient acts.
Nevertheless
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, they don'
t
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 know how much they expose
kids
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 to suffer from mental disorders at adult age.
Therefore
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, I don'
t
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 find punishment as a beneficial and safe method.
On the other hand
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, if teachers and
parents
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 have to regard sanctions for
children
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,
Firstly
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, that should be adapted to their actions.
For instance
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, collecting thrown-out litter in the room, cleaning paintings on the wall, or apologizing for their inadequate manner.
Such
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 punishments not only inform
kids
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 regarding true and false but
also
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 develop a sense of responsibility.
Secondly
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, Punishments shouldn’
t
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 be physical and cruel because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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 Youngsters to
raise
Verb problem
apply
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bully and bother their peers at school. In conclusion, we can utilize several ways to educate our
children
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 right and wrong as alternatives to punishing
such
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 as reading tails and stimulating them by giving a reward. If there are no ways, sanctions should be accounted
according to
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 that bad deed,¬ not in a brutal way.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs more clarity in the organization of ideas. Use clear introductory sentences to lay out the main topics that will be discussed, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay can be enhanced by creating links between paragraphs through the use of cohesive devices and clear topic sentences at the outset of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific, detailed examples. Instead of speaking in general terms, provide concrete instances to illustrate your points more effectively.
task achievement
Ensure a complete response to the task by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. Provide a more balanced approach by acknowledging both sides of the argument before stating your own position.
task achievement
Articulate your ideas more clearly, elaborately, and comprehensively. This will make your argument stronger and your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
To strengthen your task achievement score, include more relevant and specific examples in your essay and make sure you address all the questions with a greater depth of analysis.
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