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Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
Today, the level of
sugar
 is considerably high in packed products for eating and drinking which causes a lot of health issues. In order to prevent these health problems, some
people
 think that the
prices
 of foods that contain high
sugar
 must
increased
Change the verb form
increase
be increased
show examples
 to persuade
people
less
Change preposition
to less
show examples
sugar
 intake. I
also
 definitely agree with them. To commence with, consumption rates of sugary products are increasing day by day. Even though the product is not
sugar
-based like chocolates or gums nearly every packed product contains
sugar
. Some
people
 believe that it is not that important and nothing would happen if I ate a bar of chocolate per day but they are missing the points of well-being and nearly every packed product contains
sugar
. Today, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of research that
indicate
Change the verb form
indicates
show examples
sugar
 is our main enemy because it can lead to serious health issues
such
 as
cardio-vascular
Correct your spelling
cardiovascular
show examples
 problems which may end up with death in the worst scenario. On the other side, there are
people
 who are conscious of the serious issues that
sugar
 may lead to. They say that in order to discourage
people
 from eating
sugar
, the
prices
 of the products containing it should be increased because high
prices
 can be a good demotivator. Two years ago, in Ireland, fuel
prices
 increased extraordinarily to encourage
people
 to use public transport to reduce CO2
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
.
At the end
 of the year, they announced that the fuel consumption rates decreased
nearly
Change preposition
by nearly
show examples
 26%. In conclusion, should the fee for manufactured food containing
Correct article usage
a high-level
show examples
high-level
Correct your spelling
high level
show examples
 of
sugar
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
be
show examples
 increased in order to prevent
people
 from eating
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
? I completely agree that precautions
such
 as increasing the
prices
 should be taken by governments because it is an efficient way to demotivate them.
Submitted by asik.melliss on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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