IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

#places #people’s #lifestyles #affects #relationships #developments
Nowadays, the changes happening in
people
's lifestyles are very fast which can affect the quality of relationships
to
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in
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 our family. Some critics say that
this
 is not true at all,
while
 the proponents of
this
 topic urge the government to take concrete actions to limit the unbelievable speed of
lifestyle's
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lifestyle
show examples
 changes. Based on my experiences and what I have seen so far, I strongly agree with the notion
of
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that
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disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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 exceed the benefits that it can give. Let me explain why
that is
 the case. The most common reason
on
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apply
show examples
why
people
 tend to follow the current trend of lifestyles is that it often gives prestige and very good status despite the fact that it can hurt their relationships with others, especially their family.
For example
, when
Coldplay
Correct article usage
the Coldplay
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 concert was officially announced
around
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apply
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several months ago to be held in my home country Indonesia, many
people
 including some of my friends
can
Verb problem
apply
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spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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 many hours just
to wait
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waiting
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 in front
their
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of their
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laptop
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laptops
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 or
smartphone
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smartphones
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 to make sure they
can
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could
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 get the ticket as soon as possible since it can be sold out only some minutes later. The irony here is that many of them buy the ticket by sacrificing their precious things,
such
 as laptops,
jewelerys
Correct your spelling
jewellery
, etc, even some of them are not theirs but
own
Wrong verb form
owned
show examples
 by their parents. They are brave enough to do that because they believe that if they can join the concert, they will be perceived as
a cool human beings
Correct the article-noun agreement
a cool human being
cool human beings
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 by their friends. In conclusion, I really believe that there are more bad things that can
be happened
Wrong verb form
happen
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 compared with the benefits that stylish lifestyles can give.
Thus
, I urge
to
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apply
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my friends and many
people
accross
Correct your spelling
across
 the world to live modestly because if we only aim to get all of the
pleasure
Fix the agreement mistake
pleasures
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 things in life,
then
 it will not
be ended
Wrong verb form
end
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 since there will be always newer products launched by
the
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apply
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companies in the future.
This
 phenomenon is called
Threadmill
Correct your spelling
the treadmill
 paradox.
Instead
, we need to realize that the most important aspect
in
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of
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 our life is the moment when we can be useful to others,
that is
 the situation when we feel
being
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apply
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fulfilled and blessed.
Submitted by ravialdyhidayat on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear, logical structure. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and subsequent sentences should expand on that idea with supporting details and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main points of your essay. Your introduction should clearly state your position on the issue, while your conclusion should summarize your arguments and restate your position.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points throughout the essay with relevant examples and explanations that clearly connect to the overall argument you are making. The examples you use should be specific and directly related to the points you are trying to make.
task achievement
Address all parts of the prompt in your essay. Make sure your response is complete and that you fully answer the question asked, taking into consideration the advantages and disadvantages of the situation described in the prompt.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and comprehensibility in your writing. Organize your ideas into well-structured sentences and paragraphs that logically follow from one to the next, and make sure your position and arguments are clearly conveyed to the reader.
task achievement
Include specific, relevant examples to illustrate your points. These examples should be well-chosen and clearly linked to the argument you are making in response to the question posed in the prompt.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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