Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life?
Some people argue that
money
is the must
needed thing, Correct your spelling
most
while
on the flip side
they argue that Add a comma
side,
money
is not eveything
there are Correct your spelling
everything
few
other factors which are Correct article usage
a few
eqivalently
important in Correct your spelling
equivalently
everyones
Change to a genitive case
everyone's
life
. This
esaay
will examine both Correct your spelling
essay
the
sides and argue in favour of the latter.
Correct article usage
apply
Firstly
, to meet daily needs money
is the most important thing, It is next to immpossible
to survive without Correct your spelling
impossible
money
. We have to pay price
for each and every commodity we consume, so Correct article usage
the price
money
is required to meet our daily needs. Apart from the essential commodity
it is very important to maintain a good lifestyle. We need a good home to stayAdd a comma
commodity,
, a
vehicle to travel and Change preposition
in, a
the
new technologiesCorrect article usage
apply
,
so that we can be connected with the current world. Apart from that we need Remove the comma
apply
money
to travel, for clothing, for health care and many more essential things. All this
can be acquired is
only by Unnecessary verb
apply
money
. People who don't have enough money
die of hunger and
because they can not afford Correct word choice
apply
currenrt
medical commodities. For Correct your spelling
current
xmple
Correct your spelling
example
On the other hand
, people who run only for earning
Change preposition
to earn
money
leads suffer from physical and mental issue
, so there are other factors that each should focus on. Current, working patterns of an individual don't have much physical movement and they have loads of mental pressure on them to complete their on time. Fix the agreement mistake
issues
This
culture is ruining the physical and mental helath
of an individual. Apart from only focusing on Correct your spelling
health
money
and working regressively, we must focus on our mental health. We should spent
time Change the verb form
spend
on
learning, exercising and Change preposition
apply
on
having Change preposition
apply
quality
Add an article
a quality
life
. Living a healthy and happy life
is much more important that
living a Correct word choice
than
weaklthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
wealthy
life
.
In conclusion, money
is important to meet daily needs and to maintain a good lifestyle but it is not everything that we should only focus on. Healthy and a happy life
must be the goal of each individual.Submitted by adarsh.deore12322 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear, logical flow. While you presented a basic structure, some connections between ideas were lacking. Improve this by using transitions and clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion were present, but could be strengthened. The introduction should clearly outline the main points that will be discussed, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the argument without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
While you provided main points, they would benefit from further development and support. Include more detailed explanations, examples, and arguments to back up your points, ensuring relevance to the question.
task achievement
You addressed the task, but there's room for improvement in providing a completely well-rounded response. Make sure to fully explore the essay's topic, ensuring that all parts of the prompt are addressed in depth.
task achievement
Expand on the ideas presented with more clear and comprehensive explanations. The goal is to have a balanced discussion that fully develops both sides of the argument before reaching a conclusion.
task achievement
The essay is lacking in relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. Providing real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios can greatly enhance the credibility and relatability of your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.