many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems.suagry products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar . do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, there are many
health
concern
and consumption of food and drink that include high levels of Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
sugar
lead
us to face Wrong verb form
leading
by
Change preposition
apply
health
problems. Majority
of Correct article usage
The majority
people
think that more tax
or Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
charge
Fix the agreement mistake
charges
in
Change preposition
on
sugar
force people
and factories to use less sugar
. In this
essay
I will explain why Add a comma
essay,
I'm
totally disagree Unnecessary verb
I
by
Change preposition
with
this
attitude.
To begin
, there is no doubt in
Change preposition
that
sugar
usage is harmful for
Change the preposition
to
majority
of individual and has a bad impact on their Add an article
the majority
health
, however
high tax
or increasing Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
price
just has a short effect on decreasing usage.Fix the agreement mistake
prices
in
addition
there are many workers who are working in Add a comma
addition,
factory
which is Add an article
a factory
product
Correct article usage
a product
food
or drink that Change preposition
of food
contain
Change the verb form
contains
sugar
, in order to price
rise, companies should unemployed their staff so this
is a disadvantage for society and government
.
Correct article usage
the government
Moreover
, on
the other hand, there are numerous Change preposition
apply
people
who love sweets that
mean they are addictedCorrect pronoun usage
which
in
,Change preposition
apply
sweets
Replace the word
Sweet
price
changes has a
bad drawback on their mental Correct article usage
apply
such
as depression, if government
wants to control Add an article
the government
sugar
consumption, it should make people
aware of disadvantages of sugar
using further
how can threat their health
. In this
case
Add a comma
case,
people
will mange
their Correct your spelling
manage
consume
Replace the word
consumption
about
sugary products. Change preposition
of
Also
government by
encourage Change preposition
apply
people
to Do physical activity like joining to gym club follow to
moderation Wrong verb form
and following
their
food and drink Change preposition
of their
help
them to be safe from Fix the infinitive
to help
health
problem.
In conclusion, price
change is not first
and foremost way to control Add an article
the first
a first
people
from sugar
consumption, that is
good for short
time and Add an article
a short
this
lead
society to face Replace the word
leads
by
job and mental Change preposition
apply
problem
.Fix the agreement mistake
problems
in
my attuite teaching Capitalize word
In
to
Change preposition
apply
people
about disadvantages and encourage
them to do more activity it's better than Wrong verb form
encouraging
price
rising.Submitted by sinaazimifar on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear and coherent organization, which affects the logical flow of information. It is important to plan your points clearly and structure your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea that is expanded upon with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
While you have provided an introduction and conclusion, they need to be clearer and more succinct. They should clearly state your position and summarize the main points of the argument without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Your main points need to be supported with more specific examples and details to strengthen your arguments. Try to include evidence or data that supports your points, or hypothetical examples that illustrate your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
You have responded to the task, and your position is present, but you need to ensure that your ideas are fully developed and extended. Aim for a more comprehensive discussion of the topic with clear, direct arguments.
task achievement
The clarity of your ideas is occasionally affected by unclear expressions and grammatical errors. Work on clarifying your ideas by expressing them in a direct and simple manner, ensuring each paragraph contains a single, clear point.
task achievement
Use of relevant examples is an effective way to strengthen your argument. You have attempted to provide examples, but they are not sufficiently specific or detailed. Incorporate more precise examples that are directly related to the argument to illustrate your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.