students should choose a university major that prepares them for high paying careers. To what extent do you agree with this statement. Mark for me and give me a band

Nowadays, making
money
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
become
Correct article usage
an importent
show examples
importent
Correct your spelling
important
issue and everyone is looking for a way to earn
money
. Some people believe that students have to pick a major in university
that is
well-paid. I think
this
trend is considered to be positive compared with negligible negative aspects. On the
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
hand, there are some grave consequences in picking a major only for earning
money
.
Firstly
, you cannot learn a major that you are interested in.
In other words
, you may lose your motivation, meanwhile you are studying
this
subject
due to
the fact that you do not like it and it can be a challenging situation.
In addition
, I am aware of the fact that the average income of some jobs
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
less than others, but if you are professional in your
job
, you can make
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
amount of
money
,
such
as
Change preposition
in econemics
show examples
econemics
Correct your spelling
economics
.
Therefore
, it is somehow plausible that someone is keen on learning a major that love.
On the other hand
, picking a well-paid major has some plus points. To start with, living in
this
world is too
expensice beacause
Correct your spelling
expensive because
it includes a lot of expenditures
such
as
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
, transportation and accommodation, so people need to have well-paid
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
to deal with these issues.
Moreover
, after
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
you find
a
Change the article
an
show examples
excellent
job
you can go to university again and learn a major that you like. Take my father as an example, he
firstly
Add a missing verb
was firstly
show examples
educated in marketing management and
next,
he found a perfect
job
,
after
this
point he learnt accountancy
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
was his
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
major.
As a result
, it can be certainly said that choosing a well-paid major is not only beneficial
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
necessary. All things considered, choosing a major that makes us earn
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
money
brings us some disadvantages.
However
, in
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
we can easily live and our
quility
Correct your spelling
quality
of life cannot be compared with when we need
money
.
Submitted by behshad_arabzadeh on

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Introduction
A more effective introduction could better present your thesis and offer a clearer roadmap of what you will discuss. Additionally, be careful with generalizations and sweeping statements. Aim to present a nuanced perspective that reflects the complexity of the issue.
Cohesion
In terms of logical structure, transitions between ideas can be smoother, and the essay can benefit from a more logical progression of your arguments. This will help the reader follow your points more easily.
Support
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Task Response
While you have addressed the task, your response could be more complete by addressing counterarguments more thoroughly and providing a more balanced view of both sides of the argument. This will demonstrate a full understanding of the prompt.
Language
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