Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. Ordinary people have little to gain from the development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My motivation in participating in the CrossCulture
Program
is to increase my network, especially with NGO networks abroad, enrich my mindset by understanding the culture in Germany, and improve my
ability
to process information related to the environment. These three things are my main goals in participating in
this
activity. Surely
this
activity will improve my
ability
to serve my current organization -Forest Watch Indonesia- and benefit the community and the environment. These three things are very sustainable with each other and can be achieved by participating in the Cross-Cultural
Program
. I believe I can achieve all of them by joining
this
program
.
For example
, I am currently working at Forest Watch Indonesia as a GIS Specialist. My job allows me to calculate which areas are affected by deforestation.
This
is
then
linked to my
ability
to provide information to people who need
this
data.
This
ability
will improve over time with the CrossCulture
Program
. I will do my best to implement my skills for the public good.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
The provided text does not address the IELTS essay topic of air travel's benefits to different economic classes. Instead, it discusses personal motivations for participating in a cross-cultural program. To improve, focus on directly answering the prompt with relevant arguments and examples. Begin with an introduction that paraphrases the question, proceed with body paragraphs providing arguments and examples aligned with the topic, and end with a conclusion summarizing your position.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas by organizing paragraphs with clear topic sentences followed by supporting details. Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas and paragraphs. Consistency in voice and tense can also enchance the clarity of your message. For this particular response, there is a need to structure the content as per the IELTS essay requirements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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