IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #space #exploration #waste #governments #benefit #nation
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It has become an increasingly heated topic for the government to allocate funds in space exploration with many commentators suggesting that they should invest in the country's development to create beneficial advantages to the nation. I would agree with
this
 and provide an effective way to allocate
this
money
. First of all, the amount of
money
 that can be spent to improve the country's infrastructure. Governments can use
money
 to construct new railway lines to connect cities.
This
 can reduce
people
's density in metropolitan areas because
people
 can live in rural or suburban areas and work downtown.
Furthermore
, governments can allocate
money
 to subsidize the processing cost for public transport to reduce the cost of living of citizens.
This
 can encourage
people
 to use public transportation rather than their passenger cars and
also
 reduce carbon emissions to save the world and the environment. Another point to note is that expenditure on education is much more worthy than on space exploration. Governments invest in education by providing education-free programs. It is possible to reduce crime rates because
people
 with poverty and a lack
education
Change preposition
of education
show examples
 have the potential to commit a crime and re-offend.
Therefore
, giving opportunities for individuals to polish their employability and enhance their working skills for free can help vulnerable
people
 earn their livelihood.
This
 can lead to reduced social issues,
such
 as robbery, and improve citizens' safety. In conclusion, I would argue that it is much more beneficial to spend
money
 on infrastructure and educational free programs rather than on space exploration. The fact that investment in these mentioned figures offers various advantages to improve the quality of life and society safety and employability of citizens.
Submitted by bhavifasai on

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logical structure
Ensure that your essay has clear topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance the structure. For example, "First of all, governments can use money to improve the country's infrastructure," could be more specific.
introduction conclusion present
It would be beneficial to tie your conclusion more directly to the arguments made in the body paragraphs. This ensures that your essay is well-rounded and the points are fully reinforced.
supported main points
Some of your points, while good, can benefit from more specific examples. For instance, if you are discussing improvements in infrastructure, providing naming projects or regions can add depth to your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay's argument effectively. You briefly introduce both aspects of the argument before stating your own position.
logical structure
Your essay shows a logical progression of ideas, and your arguments are generally easy to follow and understand.
complete response
You have provided a thorough answer to the question, covering multiple areas where government funding could be better allocated.
clear comprehensive ideas
The points you make are clear and are supported by coherent ideas, making your arguments easy to grasp.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • complete waste
  • benefit the nation
  • technological advancements
  • foster
  • international cooperation
  • inspire
  • engage
  • boost the economy
  • long-term benefits
What to do next:
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