IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsabilities. discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #years #times #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsabilities
As a human being who cares about the environment by working in NGOs, I am very interested in how a country can manage the environment well and provide healthy and appropriate public information to the public.
This
 can be seen in how Germany is one of the cleanest countries in the world. The title is certainly not obtained easily, but with a long process of ups and downs by developing and adapting to the changing times.
In addition
, how the information provided by Germany can be safely received by the public so that people can provide input, suggestions, and criticism to their government. These two things are my main concerns and I really hope that I can get both of these things from participating in
this
 program.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
Your essay does not address the given topic concerning the happiness in teenage years versus adulthood. It is crucial to discuss both sides of the argument and provide a clear personal opinion. Focus on the task and ensure you address all parts of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure and does not present followed arguments related to the topic. Ensure that your essay has an introduction, supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion that are all relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The points made in your essay do not support the argument about whether teenage years or adult life are happier, which is the main topic. Provide clear main points that support the prompt and back them up with specific examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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