More students decided to take a part-time job when they go into universities. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#students #job #universities #development

Germany is a developed country with one of the best environmental conditions in the world and one of the best manufacturers in the world. In

this

case, I really want to find an organization that can accommodate me to learn about understanding what the environment is like, how to love the environment,

how

Correct word choice

and how

show examples

to change people's mindset that the environment is very important for the current circular economy. All of these things are

then

developed with my skills in the field of GIS so that what I get in

this

program can be integrated between my knowledge and skills. I feel now is the right time to start all

this

with the help of

this

program.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Mon Dec 18 2023

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Introduction and Conclusion

The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential components of a well-structured response. Ensure that the position is stated in the introduction and summarized in the conclusion.

Logical Structure

The logical flow of ideas is not evident. Use cohesive devices and clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument or narrative.

Supported Main Points

Develop your main points with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. Each paragraph should center on a single idea that supports your overall viewpoint.

Complete Response

The essay does not address the task's topic directly. It is crucial to answer the given question, discussing the implications of university students taking part-time jobs.

Clear Comprehensive Ideas

The ideas presented are not clearly developed and lack comprehensive detail. Focus on expanding your thoughts and providing depth to the discussion.

Relevant Specific Examples

Include examples that are pertinent to the essay prompt to substantiate your points, especially when you discuss the potential benefits or drawbacks of students working part-time.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

116 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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More students decided to take a part-time job when they go into universities. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In today’s world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantage of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children follow rules?

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

In some countries, the number of shootings increase becausee many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?