Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others; however, believed that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Zoology
parks
are
quit
Correct your spelling
quite
show examples
common in any country, Nowadays it is
quiet
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quite
show examples
often to have
atleast
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at least
one zoo in the city.
Moreover
,
Zoo's
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zoos
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourist
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
show examples
for visitors
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
for kids and school children. Zoological
parks
are more often
find
Wrong verb form
found
show examples
as
two sided
Add a hyphen
two-sided
show examples
swords.To start with, most often
parks
are maintained by private organisations. As they are privately sourced, From
business
Correct article usage
a business
show examples
prospective
Correct your spelling
perspective
show examples
, each organisation are dealt
to make
Change preposition
with making
show examples
profits and
able
Add a missing verb
is able
show examples
to financially strong to fund there staff.
Consequently
, As part of
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
audience is entertained by making
animals
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do some tricks like walking on
rope
Add an article
a rope
the rope
show examples
by
monkey
Add an article
a monkey
the monkey
show examples
, The Tiger jumping through a ring of fire and Dolphins jumping
of
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off
show examples
water
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the water
show examples
and slashing water on
audience
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the audience
show examples
. But to make them trained a lot
is happen
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is happening
show examples
under the hood. These
animal
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animals
show examples
go through
lot
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a lot
show examples
of suffering before they learn all these tricks.
Some time
Correct your spelling
Sometimes
show examples
they are kept starved for days. There are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
incidents reported by some news
channel
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channels
show examples
that
Change preposition
in
show examples
these
Correct pronoun usage
which these
show examples
animals
are handled with
extremely
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extreme
show examples
cruelty.  So, to overcome
this
kind of behaviour some
law
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laws
show examples
and
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
to be maintained.
Moreover
, if they are broken the
parks
to be shut immediately without any excuses.
On the other hand
, There are numerous sources from which these
animals
can be helpful for themselves and for human
being
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beings
show examples
. As the human population is growing enormously these
spices
Correct your spelling
species
show examples
are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
endangered.  As per
survey
Correct article usage
the survey
show examples
more than twenty thousand
spices
Correct your spelling
species
show examples
of
animals
gone
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have gone
show examples
extinct So, Zoological
parks
are the best places to keep them safe. More often many people kill these
animals
for
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
own profits.
For example
, Deer are killed for
horns
Correct pronoun usage
their horns
show examples
, Elephants for
Correct pronoun usage
their Tooth's
show examples
Tooth's
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Tooth
show examples
and
Tiger's
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Tiger
show examples
for
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
skin.
To conclude
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
Animals
can be trained to
entertained
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entertain
show examples
for the
audience
Change noun form
audience's
show examples
purpose. But, As they are living
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
they should not be dealt with cruelty.
Submitted by kishna.238 on

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task response
Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. The task asked you to discuss both views and give your opinion, but your opinion was not clearly stated.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear topic sentences and logical paragraphing which makes it difficult to follow the flow of ideas. Work on establishing a clear topic sentence for each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Work on your grammatical range and accuracy. The essay contains numerous grammatical errors which makes it hard to understand. All sentences should be structurally sound and grammatically correct.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive sentence beginnings to improve readability and maintain the reader's interest. Try to use a variety of structures and vocabulary.
task response
Ensure that you paraphrase the essay prompt correctly to avoid any misunderstandings of the topic. Misrepresenting the topic can lead to a lower score.
coherence cohesion
Make certain that the conclusion summarizes the main points of the essay and clearly states your opinion to provide a satisfactory closure.
task response
Always use specific examples to support your ideas. This not only demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic but also makes your argument more compelling.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
What to do next:
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