numerous animal species worldwide are currently facing extinction. some argue that countries and individual should prioritize protecting the animals. while others believe resources should be focused more on human issues. discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is irrefutable that the extinction of some species is rising day by day. Many opine that animal protection should be a priority of
people
as well as
nations but people
who do not agree with this
statement believe human issues
should be seen first
. I will shed some light on both views and will give my opinion in the conclusion.
Firstly
, individuals who argue that animal prevention should be our initial step. it is being said because animals not only provide us medicines
for human safety but Change preposition
with medicines
also
give us food and raw material
. if we do not focus Fix the agreement mistake
materials
regarding
Change preposition
on
this
, for instance
, the disappearance of species leads us towards an unstable ecosystem. Due to
this
, various kinds of production would get
affected Verb problem
be
such
as food, medicine, and raw material. Also
, humans will not survive if they do not receive basic needs every day. Consequently
, life would not be easy without animal species.
Secondly
, individuals who support that human issues
are a burning topic in this
era and must be tackled first
are considering poverty, diseases and education.Also
, these problems are seen in many countries and people
require assistance in order to mitigate these issues
. For example
, International Newspaper has proved that 70% of people
are suffering from illness, unemployment as well and lack of study and should be given some support first
to improve their circumstances, so they could
live better lives. Wrong verb form
can
Consequently
, our nation would be rich in every aspect if these issues
are
tackled Wrong verb form
were
first
prior to other problems.
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that both problems are imperative to mitigate but human obstackles
should be our primary consideration. if we are living healthy and good lives Correct your spelling
obstacles
then
we can solve everything easily.Submitted by maninderdeep on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a basic logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas could be greatly improved with better paragraphing and use of cohesive devices. Aim to create clearer topic sentences and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Moreover, variety in your use of discourse markers and transitions would allow for better flow and understandability.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both sides of the argument and providing your own opinion. However, to reach the higher bands, you need to develop your ideas more fully and provide more detailed examples. Your opinion is present but not entirely clear or extended throughout the essay. Make sure to express your personal view more strongly and consistently engage with the topic throughout your response.
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