numerous animal species worldwide are currently facing extinction. some argue that countries and individual should prioritize protecting the animals. while others believe resources should be focused more on human issues. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#species #extinction #argue #countries #prioritize #animals #resources

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It is irrefutable that the extinction of some species is rising day by day. Many opine that animal protection should be a priority of

people

Use synonyms

as well as

Linking Words

nations but

people

Use synonyms

who do not agree with

this

Linking Words

statement believe human

issues

Use synonyms

should be seen

first

Use synonyms

. I will shed some light on both views and will give my opinion in the conclusion.

Firstly

Linking Words

, individuals who argue that animal prevention should be our initial step. it is being said because animals not only provide us

medicines

Change preposition

with medicines

show examples

for human safety but

also

Linking Words

give us food and raw

material

Fix the agreement mistake

materials

show examples

. if we do not focus

regarding

Change preposition

show examples

this

Linking Words

for instance

Linking Words

, the disappearance of species leads us towards an unstable ecosystem.

Due to

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, various kinds of production would

get

Verb problem

show examples

affected

such

Linking Words

as food, medicine, and raw material.

Also

Linking Words

, humans will not survive if they do not receive basic needs every day.

Consequently

Linking Words

, life would not be easy without animal species.

Secondly

Linking Words

, individuals who support that human

issues

Use synonyms

are a burning topic in

this

Linking Words

era and must be tackled

first

Use synonyms

are considering poverty, diseases and education.

Also

Linking Words

, these problems are seen in many countries and

people

Use synonyms

require assistance in order to mitigate these

issues

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, International Newspaper has proved that 70% of

people

Use synonyms

are suffering from illness, unemployment as well and lack of study and should be given some support

first

Use synonyms

to improve their circumstances, so they

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

live better lives.

Consequently

Linking Words

, our nation would be rich in every aspect if these

issues

Use synonyms

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

tackled

first

Use synonyms

prior to other problems. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that both problems are imperative to mitigate but human

obstackles

Correct your spelling

obstacles

should be our primary consideration. if we are living healthy and good lives

then

Linking Words

we can solve everything easily.

Submitted by maninderdeep on Mon Dec 18 2023

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coherence cohesion

Your essay presents a basic logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas could be greatly improved with better paragraphing and use of cohesive devices. Aim to create clearer topic sentences and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Moreover, variety in your use of discourse markers and transitions would allow for better flow and understandability.

task achievement

You have addressed the task by discussing both sides of the argument and providing your own opinion. However, to reach the higher bands, you need to develop your ideas more fully and provide more detailed examples. Your opinion is present but not entirely clear or extended throughout the essay. Make sure to express your personal view more strongly and consistently engage with the topic throughout your response.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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