IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

ou should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? Write at least 250 words

#ou #minutes #people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour
The importance of media has become more aggressive
now days
Correct the word
nowadays
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 because many people
claiming
Wrong verb form
claim
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 that it is beneficial
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 reject
this
 notion. Television and
in
Change preposition
apply
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computer games
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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a damaging effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
a damaging effect
damaging effects
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society but
according to
 me it has great significant role
on
Change preposition
in
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 behaviour my views on discord latter I elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
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 views in
upcoming
Correct word choice
the following
show examples
 paragraphs.
Submitted by prit699731 on

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task achievement
Although you have introduced a topic related to violence on television and computer games, your response lacks clear structure and development. To improve, ensure that your essay has an introduction where you clearly state your opinion, body paragraphs where you develop and support your main points, and a conclusion that summarizes your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a lack of logical structure and flow. To enhance coherence, use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and make sure each sentence logically follows from the one before it. Connect your ideas smoothly using appropriate linking words. Also, including a clear introduction and conclusion helps improve cohesion and gives the reader a sense of completeness.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Media violence
  • Societal damage
  • Desensitization
  • Aggression
  • Imitation
  • Personal responsibility
  • Fantasy vs. reality
  • Conclusive evidence
  • Behavioral impact
  • Psychological effects
  • Content regulation
  • Parental guidance
  • Censorship
  • Ethical consideration
  • Moral compass
  • Violent tendencies
  • Causal relationship
  • Empirical research
  • Social responsibility
  • Critical analysis
What to do next:
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