IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

ou should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? Write at least 250 words

#ou #minutes #people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour
The importance of media has become more aggressive
now days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 because many people
claiming
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
 that it is beneficial
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 reject
this
 notion. Television and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
computer games
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a damaging effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
a damaging effect
damaging effects
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society but
according to
 me it has great significant role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 behaviour my views on discord latter I elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
 views in
upcoming
Correct word choice
the following
show examples
 paragraphs.
Submitted by prit699731 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Although you have introduced a topic related to violence on television and computer games, your response lacks clear structure and development. To improve, ensure that your essay has an introduction where you clearly state your opinion, body paragraphs where you develop and support your main points, and a conclusion that summarizes your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a lack of logical structure and flow. To enhance coherence, use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and make sure each sentence logically follows from the one before it. Connect your ideas smoothly using appropriate linking words. Also, including a clear introduction and conclusion helps improve cohesion and gives the reader a sense of completeness.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Media violence
  • Societal damage
  • Desensitization
  • Aggression
  • Imitation
  • Personal responsibility
  • Fantasy vs. reality
  • Conclusive evidence
  • Behavioral impact
  • Psychological effects
  • Content regulation
  • Parental guidance
  • Censorship
  • Ethical consideration
  • Moral compass
  • Violent tendencies
  • Causal relationship
  • Empirical research
  • Social responsibility
  • Critical analysis
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!