IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. others say that children should be free to choose what they do in free time. Dicuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is a fact that what
children
Use synonyms
 do in their free time contributes significantly to their development in the future. Some people believe that
children
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 should be able to manage their leisure
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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,
while
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 the opponents of
this
Linking Words
 idea prefer to prioritize the important role of their
parents
Use synonyms
. I would argue that leisure activities organized by adults or teens offer more advantages. On the one hand, there are certain benefits to allowing
children
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 to pick what is best for them.
To begin
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 with, if
parents
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 let them be free to do so, they will learn naturally the decision-making process.
For instance
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, they have to be concerned about cause and effect in their options.
As a result
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, their responsibility will be improved.
Secondly
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, the freedom of choice enables
children
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 to develop their unique potential. When
children
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 spend time on their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 acts, they can explore what they like and are good at.
For example
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, some youngsters are not exceptional academically, but their abilities are kinesthetic, so they should be trained to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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sports
player
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players
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 to benefit their future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
regarding
Change preposition
apply
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the
children
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's free time management of
parents
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 leads to these activities being more productive and educational. Because adults have many experiences and they want their
teen
Fix the agreement mistake
teens
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 to do beneficial acts rather than something
that is
Linking Words
 just for fun. To illustrate,
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
my parents
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 often guide me to read books, do chores or decorate rooms
instead
Linking Words
 of going out with my friends.
As a consequence
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, their
children
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 seem lost in their childhood and have no chance in order to explore their natural talents. In conclusion, it is true that
parents
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 play an important part in selecting
children
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’s activities, but I prefer to let teens have their own options because of the
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 learning process and their unique potential.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Although you have an introduction and conclusion, the main body paragraphs need clearer topic sentences and more cohesive devices.
task achievement
Expand upon the main points with specific examples and ensure that these examples are directly linked to the question prompt for a more complete response to the task.
task achievement
Task Achievement: Demonstrate a full understanding of the prompt by adequately discussing both views and providing a clear opinion. Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed equally and that your opinion is explicitly stated and well-supported.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: Pay attention to paragraphing, as well as the use of cohesive devices and references. Aim to make your essay easy to read and understand by logically organizing your ideas and using varied linking words.
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