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Writing Samples
Band 4

The charts below give information on average life expectancy in four countries, from 1993 to 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on average life expectancy in four countries, from 1993 to 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #life #expectancy #four #countries #summarise #features #comparisons
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The pictures depict the average expectancy of
life
 in
Japan
, Korea,
U.S.
Correct article usage
the U.S.
show examples
, and
Indonesia
 and
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of
life
 expectancy in those
countries
 from 1993 until 2008.
Overall
,
Japan
 has a significant level of
Add an article
a life
show examples
life time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over decades. Unpredictable,
Indonesia
 on the highest of increased
life
 span over a period of 15
years
 among the
countries
. The
people
 in
Japan
 and Korea
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 more
lenght
Correct your spelling
length
 of
life
 time than the
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
countries
.
Average
Correct article usage
The average
show examples
 of
life-expectancy
Correct your spelling
expectancy
show examples
people
 in
Japan
 and Korea at 82,7
years
 &
79,2
Correct word choice
and 79,2
show examples
years
 respectively.
However
, these
countries
 saw a
Correct word choice
minimal rose
show examples
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 minimall on
life
expentancy
Correct your spelling
expectancy
 with 5.1
years
 and 9.3
years
 over decades respectively.
On the other hand
, an individual in
U.S.
Correct article usage
the U.S.
show examples
saw
Verb problem
is
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
more
6.3
Change preposition
than 6.3
show examples
years
 old than Indonesian
people
. The hope of
life
people
 in
U.S.
Correct article usage
the U.S.
show examples
 was 77,2
years
 old
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
followed by
Indonesia
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 70.9
years
 old in 2008. Surprisingly, the
life
 expectancy in
Indonesia
 saw a significant increase to 14.1
years
.
In contrast
 to U.S. only grew 3.2
years
 in that period.
Submitted by syah.lian.ju on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words life, japan, indonesia, countries, years, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • trends
  • increase/decrease
  • significant
  • improvements
  • economic factors
  • lifestyle changes
  • healthcare
  • average
  • convergence
  • divergence
  • overall trend
  • future patterns
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