IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Modern culture around the world have become similar when compared to the past. What are the reasons. Is it a positive development or a negative development, in your opinion.

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In recent years, it has been argued that when we compare the modern
culture
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 around the world to how it used to be in the past, they feel similar to each other. I believe there are several causes of
this
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 matter and it brings more negative impacts to the public. First of all,
although
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 every
country
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 and place has its native
culture
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 derived from their ancestors' behaviour in the past, the
cultures
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 have been spread and adapted around the world since the globalization era. There are some reasons which make
this
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 possible.
For example
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, the fact that migration from one
country
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 to another
country
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 is getting easier and people may spread their own
culture
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 to the native citizens. Another reason that may cause
this
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 is some cultural events held in various places and occasions,
such
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 as in school, university, or even on television, usually introduce a number of
cultures
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 from some countries.
Moreover
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, some universities provide courses that discuss
cultures
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 from some countries.
Hence
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, it is reasonable that some
cultures
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felt
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feel
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 similar to a certain
culture
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 from another
country
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.
However
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, these changes have brought some negatives to society. As
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
culture
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 was being adopted by another
country
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, their citizen was arguing whether it was actually their native
culture
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 or not.
For example
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, wearing batik has been known to be Indonesian native
culture
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, but some Malaysians say that batik is actually theirs.
Consequently
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, some Indonesians and Malaysians argue when they meet.
Furthermore
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, when more people adjust their native
culture
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 to another
culture
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,
then
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 we will have difficulties acknowledging the native
culture
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 of certain countries.
Thus
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, the similarities of modern
cultures
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 bring more
negatives
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negative
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 compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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positive effects. In conclusion, globalization has eased the spreading of our
cultureswhich
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culture which
cultures which
 has brought more negative effects to our society. In order to tackle that, we need an organized and systematic database for
cultures
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 from every
country
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.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your logical structure, ensure a clear progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion. Use topic sentences to introduce paragraphs and appropriate linking phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, refine them to define the scope of the discussion more precisely, and ensure your conclusion restates your main points succinctly.
coherence cohesion
Your main points need more support. Develop each point with examples, reasons, and results. Avoid making general statements without backing them up with specific evidence.
task achievement
For a higher score, ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Expand your essay to comprehensively cover why cultures have become similar and the implications thereof, demonstrating a balanced view.
task achievement
Work on clarity and the development of ideas. Ensure your points are well-explained and logical. Use varied sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas effectively.
task achievement
Providing relevant and specific examples strengthens your argument. Include clear examples that directly support your main points and refer to specific aspects of culture to illustrate your opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Globalization
  • Multinational corporations
  • Consumerism
  • Cross-cultural interactions
  • Cultural diversity
  • Communication technologies
  • Cultural imperialism
  • Global community
  • Cultural richness
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