IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#money #space #exploration #waste #governments #benefit #nation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Space
exploration
 offers a great deal of information about the universe.
However
, the amount of
money
 spent on these projects,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be invested by the government for
further
 beneficial uses for society, which I actually support, but we can search for other ways to fund the
exploration
 force. Nowadays, to construct a project of
space
exploration
, a number of equipment and supplies are needed to cover the needs of the project, which in the end costs a huge amount of
money
.
However
, the benefit behind the expedition is remarkable, and since there are advancements in technology and science every day, there are many problems in life that need to be considered.
For example
,
people
 struggle with health, education, security, and food supplies every day, so it could be better if the
money
 is invested to help
people
.
On the other hand
, there is much to be learned from the
exploration
 of
space
 as we can discover new materials and new energy resources;
moreover
,
this
 can afford jobs for
people
 who are interested in
space
. Because we cannot deny the importance of
space
exploration
, governments should stand together
while
 exploring and
perform
Wrong verb form
performing
show examples
 all research together
instead
 of forming separate companies and duplicating funds. We can sum up the ideas by saying that study and research to discover
space
 are quite essential to our lives. But if these projects overconsume
money
, we shall use it
instead
 for more beneficial projects needed for the citizens because it will be immoral to neglect
people
's problems for some
exploration
.
Submitted by amrmohsen12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your thesis statement clearly, while the conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Ideas should be organized in a logical sequence that is easy for the reader to follow, with clear topic sentences and cohesive devices.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay directly and thoroughly addresses the prompt, with a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument if appropriate, and a clear position throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • complete waste
  • benefit the nation
  • technological advancements
  • foster
  • international cooperation
  • inspire
  • engage
  • boost the economy
  • long-term benefits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: