In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
world
pepole's
Correct your spelling
people's
skin tone has placing
imporatnt
Correct your spelling
important
role in their lives. So,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
many of them
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
skincare
products
but
companies
Change the noun form
company
show examples
owners thinking about their
profitable
Replace the word
profitability
show examples
in
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
compared to giving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good skincream to customers. In
this
essay, I will discuss and conclude my
pointi
Correct your spelling
point
points
below.
To begin
with, many of them
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
skinscream
Correct your spelling
skin cream
skin scream
to whiten their face and to be attractive.So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
many of them
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
but partially,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
as many
skincare
and health damage will happen to
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
who
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
buy these
products
.Many of them blankly, buy the
products
everyone as individual skintone by compared to that we should buy.
For example
, one Youtuber
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
brought
Correct your spelling
bought
show examples
one
skincare
product
and used it after several hours
is
Correct your spelling
his
show examples
face fully changed to
black toned
Add a hyphen
black-toned
show examples
and
face
Verb problem
apply
show examples
full of pimples.
Secondly
, everyone has
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
body
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
because of body
temparature
Correct your spelling
temperature
pimples and skin as bee change but many of them buy the
products
without
knowingly
Change the word
knowing
show examples
after using
that
Change the determiner
that product
those products
show examples
products
extra pimples as been raised. Before buying the
product
we should research
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Google or
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
and we can ask
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
friends and family
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
. After consulting that the
product
can
be buy
Change the verb form
be bought
show examples
.
Additionally
, many of the companies
selling
Wrong verb form
sell
show examples
fake
skincare
products
for their profit in the market. Nowadays,
mens
Correct your spelling
men
also
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
of
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
skincare
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
trend
Add an article
a trend
the trend
show examples
in
these year
Change the determiner
this year
these years
show examples
. I
am concluding
Wrong verb form
conclude
show examples
that many of them
affecting
Wrong verb form
are affected
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
health issues and
products
Correct article usage
the products
show examples
they have using it. Before buying any kind of
products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
show examples
we can consult with
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
doctore
Correct your spelling
doctor
or friends because there are many fake
products
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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introduction
Your introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the essay's main points. Make sure to explicitly state your main arguments and ensure they are addressed throughout the essay.
coherence
The essay does not have a clear progression of ideas. Work on using clear topic sentences and organizing paragraphs according to individual points for better coherence.
grammar
Be sure to maintain consistent verb tenses and use subject-verb agreement correctly. The written piece has multiple grammatical errors that affect readability.
conclusion
The conclusion should succinctly summarize the essay's main points and restate your stance on the topic. Avoid introducing new information.
task response
Although the essay attempts to address the task, the response does not fully explore the reasons for using skin lightening products or discuss their effects on health and society. Expand on these points for a more thorough response.
examples
To strengthen your argument, rely on more concrete and varied examples that are directly relevant to the topic. This will help illustrate your points more effectively.
spelling punctuation
Pay closer attention to spelling and punctuation. Incorrect spelling and missing punctuation marks can detract from the clarity of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Skin lightening
  • Whitening products
  • Cultural standards
  • Beauty ideals
  • Media portrayal
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Colorism
  • Self-esteem
  • Toxic ingredients
  • Hydroquinone
  • Mercury
  • Melanin
  • Dermatological health
  • Consumer awareness
  • Regulatory bodies
  • Ethical marketing
  • Natural remedies
What to do next:
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