IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#parts #world #market #products #whiten #people’s #skin #outline #effects #terms #health #society
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In today's world people's skin tone has to play
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
 role in their lives. So, many of them buy
skincare
products
 but company owners think about their profitability in the market compared to giving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
skincream
Correct your spelling
skin cream
 to customers. In
this
 essay, I will discuss and conclude my point below.
To begin
 with, many of them buy skin cream to whiten their face and to be attractive.So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
many of them buy but partially, as many
skincare
 and health damage will happen to customers who buy these
products
.Many of them blankly, buy the
products
 everyone as individual skintone by compared to that we should buy.
For example
, one Youtuber bought one
skincare
product
 and used it after several hours
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fully changed to black toned and
face
Correct article usage
a face
show examples
 full of pimples.
Secondly
, everyone has a different body type because of body temperature pimples and skin as bee change but many of them buy the
products
 without knowing after using that
product
 extra pimples as been raised. Before buying the
product
 we should research
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Google or
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 and we can ask our friends and family doctors. After consulting that the
product
 can be bought.
Additionally
, many of the companies sell fake
skincare
products
 for their profit in the market. Nowadays, men are using
this
 kind of
product
skincare
 has become a trend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 year. I conclude that many of them are affected by health issues and the
products
 they are using
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Before buying any kind of
product
 we can consult with good a doctor or friends because there are many fake
products
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure your essay follows a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea followed by supporting information or examples that are relevant to the topic. Transition words can improve the flow of your argument. Make sure to proofread your work to avoid repetition and off-topic content.
task achievement
For better task achievement, your essay needs to fully address all parts of the task. Make sure that you provide a clear introduction, a detailed and analytical discussion of the reasons and effects, and a conclusion that summarizes your main points. Use specific examples to illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Skin lightening
  • Whitening products
  • Cultural standards
  • Beauty ideals
  • Media portrayal
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Colorism
  • Self-esteem
  • Toxic ingredients
  • Hydroquinone
  • Mercury
  • Melanin
  • Dermatological health
  • Consumer awareness
  • Regulatory bodies
  • Ethical marketing
  • Natural remedies
What to do next:
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