In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society.
In today's world
people
's skin
tone has to play an important role in their lives. So, many of them buy skincare
products
but company owners think about their profitability in the market compared to giving good skin
cream to customers. In this
essay, I will discuss and conclude my point below.
To gein
with the first and Correct your spelling
begin
foresmost
reason for the growth in the market of personal care items is Correct your spelling
foremost
people
's preferences. These days, people
desire to have white cuticle
as compared to darker Fix the agreement mistake
cuticles
cuticle
. Fix the agreement mistake
cuticles
Therefore
, they use different kinds of products
to change the colour of their face.However
, because the willingness to be white is huge, they tend to buy cheaper products
which contain hazardous ingredients that caused
severe surface diseases Wrong verb form
cause
such
as cancer and irritation. Populations with dusky membranes were discriminated against in most parts of the world, causing inferiority
complex and low self-esteem. Correct article usage
an inferiority
For example
, One famous YouTuber bought one
Correct determiner usage
a
skincare
product
and used it after two days the person's face was full of acne and pimples. Not to mention
that the cosmetic company hires them as their brand ambassador. As a result
, having white sheaths is an aspiration of many populations, and they have a tendency to buy white cream
Secondly
, everyone has a different body type because of that pimples and skin
change but many of them buy the product
without knowing their problem after using that product
extra pimples as been raised. Moreover
, folks with a dark rind are valued less due orthodox mindset of community, family and friends.. Nonetheless
, this
trend affects in many ways both health and social perspectives. In the community, folk who do not follow the social skin
standard tend to experience underestimated. After consulting to
them the Change preposition
with
product
can be bought.Additionally
, many of the companies sell fake skincare
products
for their profit in the market. Nowadays, men are using skincare
products
. Consequently
, many people
push themselves to be white, and they impulsively buy cosmetics without considering the detrimental impacts on their healthy skin
.
I conclude that many of them are affected by health issues and the products
they are using it
. Before buying any kind of Correct pronoun usage
apply
product
we can consult with good a doctor or friends because there are many fake products
.Submitted by insighttribez on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks precise structuring. Introduction and conclusion are present but do not effectively present the topic or summarize the main points. Aim for a clear thesis statement and a conclusion that reaffirms your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the paragraphs could be improved. Ideas and arguments are presented in a somewhat disorganized manner. Focus on creating distinct paragraphs for each main idea, use clear topic sentences, and ensure transitions between ideas flow smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Main points need more support. Examples provided are not effectively integrated into the argument. Enhance your essay by incorporating specific, relevant examples that clearly support the points you are trying to make.
task achievement
The response does not fully address all parts of the task. The health and society implications are mentioned but not thoroughly explored. Develop each point with more detail and provide clear explanations to cover the task sufficiently.
task achievement
Your ideas are not articulated clearly and comprehensively. The essay contains several grammar and spelling errors that hinder clarity. Focus on proofreading your work for errors and ensuring that each sentence clearly expresses an idea.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples is limited, impacting the persuasiveness of your arguments. Incorporate more specific and detailed evidence to demonstrate the real-world implications of skin whitening products.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example