IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart gives information regarding the portion of humans who were born in three different
areas
Use synonyms
.
Cities
Use synonyms
, Towns, and Rural
areas
Use synonyms
. In the country of
Australia
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 report for the years 1995 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the year 1995 people who were born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 experienced a high rate in the
Cities
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the least portion were in the Towns.
In contrast
Linking Words
, those born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 are the same in aspects of the
areas
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, in the year 2010, Rural
areas
Use synonyms
 had a dramatic decline for people born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 those born In
Australia
Use synonyms
 remained the same for Towns and Rural
areas
Use synonyms
. Despite
this
Linking Words
,
Cities
Use synonyms
 had a rate of 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 outside
Australia
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 increased by 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
hence
Linking Words
, Rural
areas
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 had 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
while
Linking Words
 outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 was 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. As we can see in the year 2010 both categories who were born in Town and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 were down sharply
while
Linking Words
 those who were born in the
Cities
Use synonyms
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 stable inside and outside.
Submitted by alihafiid on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words areas, cities, australia, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: