Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, many wealthy societies assist poor people by giving them
money
or another benefit, while
that does not open the poverty issue. Correct word choice
but
In addition
, advanced government ought to help the poorer classes with different types of aid. I agree that poorer countries
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
the
aid from the Correct article usage
apply
riche
Correct your spelling
richer
rich
countries
to enhance their economic issues, I feel that for two reasons which I will explore in the following essay.
Initially
, poorer countries
have been suffering from diverting problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
such
as global economic, education system, transportation and more. because of that wealthy countries
, should help those types of countries
. Not only by
giving them Change preposition
apply
money
or material items, it is better to provide them with plans which involve strategies to upgrade their national sales, education system plan, etc. For example
,the UK helps Morroco to enhance their agricultural system. by giving them unprecedented
strategy to be rich in the future.
Add an article
an unprecedented
the unprecedented
However
, there are many countries
that give money
to low-income
Add an article
the low-income
a low-income
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
for buying
food and clothes, but Change preposition
to buy
this
kind of help is not rational for poorer nations, because, funds not
as everlasting as Add a missing verb
are not
the
knowledge. Correct article usage
apply
Nevertheless
, acknowledge
is Replace the word
acknowledgement
beneficial
than Correct quantifier usage
more beneficial
money
. with an upscale
Remove the article
upscale information
a piece of upscale information
information
the poor government could improve their incomes worldwide. Taking Turkey as an example, Turkey Add a comma
information,
it
was a poor country but had a mindful government which doesn't Correct pronoun usage
apply
accpet
any funds from developed Correct your spelling
accept
countries
but it recieves
the Correct your spelling
receives
whole
Correct word choice
apply
informations
that Change the wording
information
pieces of information
relating
to their international growth, Wrong verb form
relates
also
the valuable Rephrase
apply
countries
shares
with Correct subject-verb agreement
share
Turkey
cognitive information.
In conclusion, it is frequently said that wealthy Change noun form
Turkey's
country
should assist poorer Fix the agreement mistake
countries
nation
by giving them valuable information with good economic plans. rather than give them Fix the agreement mistake
nations
money
to buy food, etc. I strongly believe that supports my point of view.Submitted by alihafiid on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and strong logical structure which is necessary for the reader to follow the argument easily. Paragraphs should be well-organized with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of the paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence that wraps up the point.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be clearer and more impactful. The introduction should explicitly state the writer's position, and the conclusion should reiterate this position and summarize the main points of the argument convincingly.
coherence cohesion
Main points are mentioned but they need stronger development and support. Use more detailed explanations, relevant examples, and clear reasoning to back up each point.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat adequate but not fully developed. The essay mentions some reasons for the opinion but lacks depth in exploring these reasons. More comprehensive ideas and a thorough explanation of how and why these ideas support your viewpoint are needed.
task achievement
Ideas presented are on topic, but they lack clarity and are not always expressed comprehensively. Work on providing a more explicit explanation of ideas and ensure that each idea directly relates to the essay question.
task achievement
The use of examples is good, but they could be more specific and directly linked to the argument to enhance the essay's persuasiveness. Provide concrete examples to illustrate each point and explain how they support the overall argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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