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Band 5.5

Nowadays, education overseas has become more accessible and growing numbers of people send their offspring to study in other countries. Why do families encourage their youngsters to study abroad? how could they fully benefit from studying abroad

#education #numbers #people #study #countries #families #youngsters #benefit
Education
 is a major factor that can determine a person’s future
besides
 social status in the community and since
education
 overseas has become more accessible,
people
 started to encourage their youngsters to study abroad. In
this
 essay, we will highlight the reasons for
this
 phenomenon and how young
people
 fully benefit from studying abroad. In modern society,
education
 is developing day by day and with the progress of science and technology we all now live in a small world and it is quite common to study abroad. To start with travelling to another country will definitely open one`s mind to other cultures, technologies and many other aspects of life. Attending college in another
countrycountry
Correct your spelling
country country
 would enhance our experiences and would help build our personalities to become more confident.
Moreover
, the rapid progress in
education
 in some foreign countries offers quality
education
 and a wide range of courses that are useful for better career opportunities .As mentioned earlier a better
education
 promises better and wider job opportunities which we all seek for our youngsters and dearests. Doctors ,engineers and many other professions would be highly paid and graded in the community when getting a degree from a well-known foreign country that offers excellent
education
 services in these particular specializations.
On the other hand
, transportation and social media made our world look like a small village where we all can be together without worrying about the distances or the places. Nowadays you can be in daily contact with your youngsters who are in faraway countries with a click of a button via Zoom,skype and many other new means of technology that can facilitate
this
 .
Last
 but not least ,you can simply book a flight ticket or take a train ride to visit and ensure the safety of your offspring abroad .
To conclude
 ,
people
 send their minors to other countries to impart knowledge that gives enormous advantages to their lives.It has been always a good choice to send young
people
 abroad to study for their betterment
Submitted by m.f0562173032 on

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coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, the essay displays a basic logical structure, but it lacks variety in connectives and cohesive devices. To improve, focus on varying your language to create a more complex structure. Use synonyms and discourse markers to enhance flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly distinguishable from the main body paragraphs. An effective introduction sets the topic, while a strong conclusion should summarize the main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
To support your main points, provide concrete and detailed examples. Rather than making generalized statements, illustrate your ideas with specific instances or data. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
task achievement
Although you addressed the prompt, the response could be more fully developed by exploring a wider range of ideas. Expand on how studying abroad affects personal development and societal contributions.
task achievement
Focus on elaborating clear and comprehensive ideas by breaking down complex thoughts into simpler, more understandable statements. This will aid the reader in grasping the essence of your argument easily.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Examples help to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and show the ability to apply abstract ideas practically.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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