IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year.

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year.
#bar #australian #water #consumption #cities #year #distribution
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The pie
chart
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 illustrates
allocation
Correct article usage
the allocation
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 of
water
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consumption
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 in Australia for the
last
Linking Words
 year,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
bart
Correct your spelling
bar
chart
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 demonstrates
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consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
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 of
water
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 in selected Australian cities for the same period of time as
previous
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the previous
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chart
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest percentage of
water
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 usage in Australia goes for agricultural purposes.
Also
Linking Words
, only
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half of the cities have
consumption
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 over 200 k/p. By far the least
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water demanding
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water-demanding
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 activity is mining which makes up only 2 percent in comparison with the leader it is about
thirty three
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thirty-three
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 times smaller. It is worth mentioning the fact that agriculture makes up
two thirds
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two-thirds
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Australia’s
water
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 usage. Same as agriculture, Perth is the largest source of
water
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consumption
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 with almost 300 k/p, which is around two times over Canberra, the lowest contributor to the bar
chart
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.
Also
Linking Words
, the difference between Perth and Brisbane, the second largest
water
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 consumer, is about fifty k/p, which means that Brisbane is 5/6 of Perth.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, water, consumption with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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