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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year.

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year.
#bar #australian #water #consumption #cities #year #distribution
The pie
chart
 illustrates
allocation
Correct article usage
the allocation
show examples
 of
water
consumption
 in Australia for the
last
 year,
whereas
 the
bart
Correct your spelling
bar
chart
 demonstrates
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of
water
 in selected Australian cities for the same period of time as
previous
Change the article
the previous
show examples
chart
.
Overall
, the highest percentage of
water
 usage in Australia goes for agricultural purposes.
Also
, only
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the cities have
consumption
 over 200 k/p. By far the least
water demanding
Add a hyphen
water-demanding
show examples
 activity is mining which makes up only 2 percent in comparison with the leader it is about
thirty three
Add a hyphen
thirty-three
show examples
 times smaller. It is worth mentioning the fact that agriculture makes up
two thirds
Add a hyphen
two-thirds
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia’s
water
 usage. Same as agriculture, Perth is the largest source of
water
consumption
 with almost 300 k/p, which is around two times over Canberra, the lowest contributor to the bar
chart
.
Also
, the difference between Perth and Brisbane, the second largest
water
 consumer, is about fifty k/p, which means that Brisbane is 5/6 of Perth.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, water, consumption with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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