In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In some countries,
children
are taught that hard
work
will help them achieve their goals. In my opinion,
this
message can inspire and motivate them to overcome hardships, but at the same time, it can cause delusion and disappointment. On the one hand, teaching
children
that hard
work
can guarantee
success
has several advantages. To start with,
this
message can motivate
children
, especially those who believe that innate talents determine
success
.
For example
, when learning a second language, which is a challenging and
time- consuming
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time-consuming
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process,
children
need to truly understand that hard
work
, and not talents, is conducive to enhancing proficiency. That way, they could stay motivated and keep on learning when they encounter setbacks. More importantly, the role of valuing hard
work
goes beyond being a mere source of motivation. It can
also
help
children
to develop a positive mentality and improve their resilience, all of which are necessary for their adult life.
On the other hand
, the biggest disadvantage of the notion that diligence ensures
success
is that it may mislead
children
into spending too much time and effort on
the
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tasks in which hard
work
plays little role.
For example
, a child wanting to be a professional singer may waste time on voice training without considering their lack of musical talents but still hope that they may achieve
success
one day.
Similarly
, most painters need to have a great and unique sense of aesthetics, which is considered
as
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a rare talent and
therefore
cannot be acquired through hard
work
. Believing that hard
work
alone is enough can breed frustration, delusion, or even mental illness. In conclusion, teaching
children
that hard
work
will always result in
success
is a great way to motivate them through hardships.
Nevertheless
,
such
teaching may produce undesirable outcomes in situations where hard
work
is not the key.
Submitted by oyku.bilgin12 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Including an introduction and a conclusion is good, but make them more impactful by clearly stating the thesis and summarizing the main points more effectively within the conclusion. Tailor these sections to succinctly outline the essay's purpose and to round up the argument.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are supported, illustrations could be enhanced by integrating a wider range of more detailed examples, especially those that showcase real-world evidence or more unique scenarios, to augment the discussion.
task achievement
A complete response was given to the prompt, but to improve, strive to address all parts of the question with a comprehensive discussion that delves deeper into both advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
The ideas in the essay are clear, but to enhance comprehensiveness, expand on each idea more thoroughly. Provide a more nuanced exploration of both the positive and negative implications of the message given to children.
task achievement
Examples provided are relevant but remain fairly general. To score higher, offer specific, concrete examples that demonstrate the ideas more vividly and persuasively.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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