IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The illustrations show how chocolate is produced. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

#illustrations #show #chocolate #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The picture illustrates how the process of making chocolate is carried out which involves the use of various equipment.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the production has a number of different stages commencing with the cultivation of the cacao tree and culminating with the creation of liquid chocolate. Regarding the first five stages, white cocoa
beans
Use synonyms
 are harvested from ripe red pods that grow on cacao trees. These
beans
Use synonyms
 after removing seed husks undergo fermentation and are dried under the sun before being put in large sacks. Concerning the
last
Linking Words
 five stages, the packaged
beans
Use synonyms
 will be transported by train or lorry to the factory.
Next,
Linking Words
these
beans
Use synonyms
 are taken out of large bags to be roasted under the temperature of 350 degrees Celsive. Once the heat treatment step has finished, the outer shells can be removed by crushing. The
last
Linking Words
 procedure is pressing the inner parts to manufacture into liquid chocolate.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay provides an overview of the chocolate production process but lacks varied cohesive devices, which could enhance the logical structure. Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved; they are quite basic. An introduction should paraphrase the question effectively and the conclusion should summarize the main points convincingly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your main points are somewhat supported, but the description lacks details and exemplification. Include more specific information about each step to clarify and support the main points of the process.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task and covered most stages of chocolate production; however, your response is not fully complete. Ensure that each step in the process is clearly and comprehensively described.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented are clear and on topic, but they could be more comprehensive. Delve deeper into the details of each step for better clarity and completeness of your response.
Task Achievement
You have not included any specific examples to illustrate the process stages, which is vital for achieving a high score. Examples add depth and authenticity to an essay, ensuring the writing task is met effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: