Some countries are struggling with an increase rate in crime. Many people think that increasing police on the roads is the only way to reduce crime. To what extent do you agree ?
It is quite common these days for people to become famous through appearing in TV programs and the internet.
This
trend would create certain benefits but there will also
be some drawbacks. This
essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of this
method of pursuing fame
.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why utilizing the help of new media to achieve fame
can be beneficial. A common reason is the improvement of the individual's financial state through their fame
. To elaborate, unlike previous entertainment mediums that limit the chances of fame
to a minority of people, the internet is a diverse space that gives everyone equal opportunities to be discovered and well-known. Thus
, for people who are less fortunate, it serves as a golden ticket to change their lives, as they can capitalize on their personal brand for endorsements and deals, bringing in significantly higher income. As an example, a news broadcast by VTV24 in 2021 depicts how due to
gaining significant popularity on Tiktok, a farmer in Ninh Binh province made 5 times more than his previous income.
On the other hand
, this
phenomenon can also
pose a threat to the individual's well-being. By agreeing to appear on these shows, a person is at risk of receiving heavy criticism from the masses, sometimes through no fault of their own. As a result
of the huge appeal of these platforms, toxic minorities are sure to be included and can personally attack anyone in a show for no particular reason. Without proper mental preparations, receiving such
harsh critique can be a detriment to one's mental state, prompting them to fall into depression from cyberbullying. A good example of this
is the Japanese reality TV show Terrace House, where a participant named Hana Kimura was sent death threats through Twitter from a small altercation with a fellow participant, which ultimately resulted in her suicide.
In conclusion, becoming more popular through television and social media could bring about certain advantages, but its negative consequences should not be overlooked, as it can lead to tragic outcomes.Submitted by yeshomeclass on
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coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more cohesive logical structure throughout your essay. This can be achieved by ensuring that each paragraph seamlessly transitions to the next with appropriate linking words and phrases. Additionally, strive to maintain a consistent argument or point of view throughout.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and effectively encapsulate your essay's main points and arguments. Your introduction should more clearly outline the forthcoming discussion, and your conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported with examples, which is good. Ensure that each argument or main point is clearly defined and supported with well-integrated evidence. Avoid any ambiguity and ensure that your points contribute to your overall argument.
task achievement
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. You need a clearly stated position throughout the response (your opinion), and all parts of the prompt should be covered. Your conclusion needs to reflect your opinion more explicitly.
task achievement
Strive to express your ideas clearly and comprehensively by expanding on your points with further explanation and detail where necessary. Variety in sentence structures and vocabulary can also enhance the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Using relevant examples to support your points, as you did with the farmer from Ninh Binh province and Hana Kimura's story, strengthens your essay. Continue using specific, relevant examples to back up your arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?