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Writing Samples /
Band 4

People today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What do you think is the cause of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

#people #home
Over the
last
 two or three decades, people's safety has decreased more tremendously than ever before. These days, people feel unsafe when they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
go out or at
home
due to
 increasing the rate of
crime
 by
criminals
. It can be solved
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
by the strict rules that have to
implement
Wrong verb form
be implemented
show examples
 against the
crime
 by the government.
This
 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
 with, these days, the individual feels unsafe at
home
 or outside because
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 ratio is increased day-to-day across the world.
Criminals
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
worked
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
but they need money to fulfil their needs and
wands
Correct your spelling
wanders
show examples
 in everyday
while
 they do
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
 activities to satisfy their livelihood with other's money and
assest
Correct your spelling
assets
asset
assist
.
For example
,
offender's
Change noun form
offenders
show examples
 target only
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
 alone at
home
, especially elders and
who
Correct determiner usage
those who
show examples
goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
go
show examples
 alone outside
while
criminals
do robbery
Wrong verb form
rob
show examples
,
consequently
, unsafetyness is raised among the populace.
However
, the government should
be implemented
Wrong verb form
implement
show examples
a strict rules
Correct the article-noun agreement
strict rules
a strict rule
show examples
 against these kinds of
criminals
by
Change preposition
so
show examples
 strict rules which
criminals
 will not become
reoffenders
Correct your spelling
offenders
. Some kind of offenders
consently
Correct your spelling
consistently
 do
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
 activities to
robber
Replace the word
rob
show examples
other's
Change preposition
other of
show examples
 money,
jewel
Fix the agreement mistake
jewels
show examples
 and
assest
Correct your spelling
assets
,
this
 kind of criminal should be punished
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
severely namely capital
punishment
while
 people
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 more afraid to do any misleading activities.
For instance
, deadly
punishment
 will reduce the
crime
 rate
as well as
 the
criminals
Replace the word
crime
show examples
 ratio.
Therefore
, the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 should give severe punishments to offenders in order
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the populace can go outside without
fears
Fix the agreement mistake
fear
show examples
.
To conclude
, increasing the rate of crimes and
criminals
 are the main causes for the population
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
feel
Fix the infinitive
to feel
show examples
.safe at
home
 or when they
out
Add a missing verb
are out
show examples
.
Although
, capital
punishment
 and severe
punishment
 should be implemented against the
law breaker
Correct your spelling
lawbreaker
show examples
 by the authorities in order to
sove
Correct your spelling
solve
save
this
 problem.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear, logical structure with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion. The ideas within paragraphs should be sequenced logically for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction that presents the topic and outlines the main points to be discussed. End the essay with a conclusion that neatly summarizes the points made and presents a concluding thought, clearly signaling the end of the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points fully with supporting details and examples. Each main point should be elaborated on with explanations or evidence that reinforces the argument.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task. Provide a complete response by discussing each part of the question and offering solutions where the question requires them.
task achievement
Organize ideas clearly and make them comprehensive. Use logical connectors to show the relationships between ideas and ensure that the argument progresses naturally from one point to the next.
task achievement
Provide relevant, specific examples to support points made. Examples should be detailed enough to illustrate the argument convincingly and be relevant to the topic at hand.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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