While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

There are
believe
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
that
people
should only study academically,
while
others think they have to be trained with certain
skills
. I completely agree with that idea and
this
essay will explain
further
about it.
To begin
with,
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
learning
process
limits
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
to
applies
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
the given theories. It is because most of their knowledge (especially
students
Change preposition
from students
show examples
in undergraduate schools)
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
gained through with passive learning methods,
such
as workshops or seminars, where they are only listening to several materials given by the speakers. Even though they might be rich in knowledge , they are rarely exposed
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
field-based related projects or experiments, which can tamper their
process
to accomplish several prerequisite
skills
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
required in their programme.
On the other hand
, supporting
people
to do vocational training might be a good idea, as
people
can quickly adapt to utilise
skills
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
needed in the field.
Generally
Add a comma
Generally,
show examples
through that
programme
Correct your spelling
program
show examples
,
people
will be continuously exposed or involved
to do
Change preposition
in doing
show examples
certain jobs directly in the field where they are not only interacting with the
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
with the tools,
regulations
Correct word choice
and regulations
show examples
, until the
process
.
Therefore
, their body might start to recognise those needed behaviours
as well as
skills
that are useful,
hence
it will be labelled by the brain as part of their habit during the working
process
.
As a result
, those trained
people
are judged qualified enough to do particular jobs in the future, since
instead
of trying to memorise the
skills
, they already apply it through the training
process
. In conclusion,
albeit
Correct word choice
although
show examples
it is beneficial for
people
to be
theoritically
Correct your spelling
theoretically
prepared through academic study, doing vocational training might help them to get used to
conduct
Verb problem
apply
show examples
several
skills
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
needed within their work area.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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