IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

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There are
believe
Replace the word
beliefs
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 that
people
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 should only study academically,
while
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 others think they have to be trained with certain
skills
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. I completely agree with that idea and
this
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 essay will explain
further
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 about it.
To begin
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 with,
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
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 learning
process
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 limits
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
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 to
applies
Wrong verb form
apply
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 the given theories. It is because most of their knowledge (especially
students
Change preposition
from students
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 in undergraduate schools)
are
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is
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 gained through with passive learning methods,
such
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 as workshops or seminars, where they are only listening to several materials given by the speakers. Even though they might be rich in knowledge , they are rarely exposed
into
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to
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 field-based related projects or experiments, which can tamper their
process
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 to accomplish several prerequisite
skills
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that
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 required in their programme.
On the other hand
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, supporting
people
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 to do vocational training might be a good idea, as
people
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 can quickly adapt to utilise
skills
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that
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 needed in the field.
Generally
Add a comma
Generally,
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 through that
programme
Correct your spelling
program
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,
people
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 will be continuously exposed or involved
to do
Change preposition
in doing
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 certain jobs directly in the field where they are not only interacting with the
people
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,
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apply
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 but
also
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 with the tools,
regulations
Correct word choice
and regulations
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, until the
process
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.
Therefore
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, their body might start to recognise those needed behaviours
as well as
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skills
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 that are useful,
hence
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 it will be labelled by the brain as part of their habit during the working
process
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.
As a result
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, those trained
people
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 are judged qualified enough to do particular jobs in the future, since
instead
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 of trying to memorise the
skills
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, they already apply it through the training
process
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. In conclusion,
albeit
Correct word choice
although
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 it is beneficial for
people
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 to be
theoritically
Correct your spelling
theoretically
 prepared through academic study, doing vocational training might help them to get used to
conduct
Verb problem
apply
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several
skills
Use synonyms
that
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 needed within their work area.

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the flow of ideas by using more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences to introduce main points.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point more comprehensively with specific examples and explanations to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Ensure full coverage of the topic by elaborating on both views before stating your position clearly.
task achievement
Add more concrete and relevant examples to support your arguments and to fulfill the task requirements more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • skilled workers
  • vocational training
  • academic study
  • qualified
  • electricians
  • plumbers
  • technicians
  • hands-on experience
  • job market
  • infrastructure
  • economy
  • unemployment rates
  • consumer spending
  • educational paths
  • job satisfaction
  • societal resilience
  • versatile workforce
What to do next:
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