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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some colleges encourage students to create businesses while they are still in school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#colleges #students #businesses #school #outweigh
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Encouraging college students to embark on entrepreneurial ventures yields a spectrum of benefits and challenges. On the positive side, it fosters practical learning, allowing students to apply classroom theories in real-world scenarios. The hands-on experience nurtures skills like problem-solving, leadership, and time management, enriching their education beyond textbooks.
Moreover
, it opens doors to invaluable networks, connecting them with mentors and resources crucial for entrepreneurial success. Financially, a successful venture can offer stability, reducing the burden of student loans.
However
, there are drawbacks. Balancing academics and a burgeoning business can strain a student's focus, potentially impacting their grades and
overall
 educational experience. The financial risks associated with entrepreneurship, including potential losses, could create stress and distraction from studies. Time management becomes critical, as the demands of running a business might detract from other essential college experiences, potentially leading to burnout. Ultimately, whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages hinges on individual circumstances. With adequate support and balance,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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experiential learning and networking opportunities can significantly enrich a student's educational journey. Yet, without proper management, the challenges of entrepreneurship might overshadow the academic pursuits that
college
Correct article usage
the college
show examples
 intends to foster.
Submitted by tttokayttt on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay adequately addresses the prompt with an introduction and conclusion. However, the introduction could be more impactful by directly addressing the essay question, and the conclusion would benefit from reiterating your stance more clearly. Ensure that the introduction answers the question and the conclusion provides a summary that reflects your final position.
logical structure
The essay displays a good level of coherence and cohesion, demonstrating logical sequencing of ideas and paragraphs. To improve, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and points. Integrate varied linking words and phrases to enhance clarity and flow within and between paragraphs.
supported main points
Main points are supported, but the essay could benefit from more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the argument. Use quantitative or qualitative data, anecdotal evidence, or case studies to illustrate points more effectively.
complete response
While the essay provides an answer to the prompt, it would benefit from expanding the discussion of advantages and disadvantages to more deeply analyze the impacts on students. The comparative analysis between advantages and disadvantages could also be better emphasized to directly answer whether one outweighs the other.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas are clear and generally well-explained, but could be developed further with more depth and complexity. Try to explore each idea more thoroughly by providing detailed explanations and implications, considering potential counterarguments, and demonstrating awareness of nuances within the topic.
relevant specific examples
The essay lacks specific examples that would make the argument more compelling. Incorporate real-life instances, statistics, or studies that support the advantages and disadvantages discussed. This will help substantiate claims and provide a stronger evidential basis for the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • advantages
  • outweigh
  • disadvantages
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • entrepreneurial mindset
  • creativity
  • financial independence
  • job opportunities
  • personal growth
  • professional growth
  • lack of focus
  • academic
  • financial risks
  • uncertainties
  • negative impact
  • grades
  • difficulty balancing
  • responsibilities
  • overall opinion
  • conclusion
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