Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Today, more and more people are turning to
alternative
medicines and treatments instead
of visiting conventional doctors.
This
trend has negative consequences as it can lead to harmful results and unnecessary expenses. Firstly
, there have been numerous cases where patients of alternative
medicines have experienced worsened health conditions or even death due to
lack of scientific evidence.
Secondly
, clients of alternative
treatments are often deceived or spend excessive money. It is essential to trust modern medicine, which has proven effective. Additionally
, it is crucial to encourage others to seek help from conventional doctors and avoid alternative
treatments, which can cause physical, emotional, and financial harm.
In conclusion, with the increasing number of health problems, it is essential to prioritize our health and trust modern medicine instead
of risking it with unproven alternative
treatment.Submitted by L on
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introduction conclusion present
The essay presents an introduction and a conclusion, which is positive. However, the introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main argument of the essay. The conclusion does summarize the argument, but it could be strengthened by directly addressing the question of whether this development is positive or negative.
logical structure
The essay lacks logical structure in the development of ideas. You should strive to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each addressing a single main idea. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader and transition phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
supported main points
Your essay demonstrates some support of the main points with explanations. However, it lacks specific examples to illustrate your argument. Including evidence, statistics, or real-world examples can significantly enhance the persuasiveness of your points.
complete response
Your response to the task could be more comprehensive. While you do present an opinion on the development being negative, your essay would benefit from exploring both sides of the issue to fully address the prompt. Moreover, showing some balance in your argument by acknowledging potential positives before justifying your stance would enhance the depth of your analysis.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas in the essay are relevant to the task, but they are not fully developed or elaborated on. To improve clarity and comprehensiveness, include more detailed explanations and arguments to justify your points. Expand on your ideas to create a more persuasive and substantive essay.
relevant specific examples
The essay lacks relevant, specific examples to support the argument. To score higher, incorporate real-life examples, case studies, or personal experiences that directly relate to the topic. This makes your essay more convincing and demonstrates a better understanding of the subject.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.