Some people think that strick punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #strick #punishments #offences #traffic #accidents #measures #road #safety

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While

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the bar

chart

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gives information about the number of

students

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attending music classes in Australian

university

Fix the agreement mistake

universities

show examples

from 2000 to 2006, the pie

chart

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provides data about their career path chosen after graduating from the course.

Overall

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, the numbers of male and female

students

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enrolled in the classes were,at first,the same ,

whereas

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female

students

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outgrew by far

at the end

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of the given period. And it is clearly seen that more than half of the attendants chose different ways of professional life. In 2000, looking at the bar

chart

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, we can see similar percentages for both female and male

students

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attending the course, with 20 %. By 2004 , either male or female ones had seen dramatic changes. The figures for men saw a double decrease , at the same time,ones for

female

Fix the agreement mistake

females

show examples

rocketed almost to 50 %. Both genders had grown by 2006, with 20% and 60 % respectively. Information on the pie

chart

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provided ensures that 55% of all attendants choose different career paths.

While

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other part of

students

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,relatively,choose the same or similar professions.

Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on Thu Dec 21 2023

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coherence cohesion

The structure of the essay is somewhat unclear and there are issues with the logical flow of information. Introductions and conclusions are key components of a well-structured essay, and it appears that the introduction does not effectively set up a discussion on the topic of strict punishments for driving offences versus other measures to improve road safety. Aim to have a clear introduction paragraph outlining the issue and stating the points that will be discussed, followed by body paragraphs that elaborate on each point, and a conclusion that summarizes the discussion and states your opinion.

task achievement

The essay does not adequately address the prompt provided. The prompt asks for a discussion on the effectiveness of strict punishments versus other measures for improving road safety. Your essay, however, discusses the enrollment statistics of students in Australian music classes and their career choices, which is entirely off-topic. It is important to read the topic carefully and ensure that the essay remains focused on the prompt. Make sure to clearly respond to the given question and provide relevant, detailed examples to support the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

4
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

177 words

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Some people think that strick punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's globalized world, people from different cultures often come into contact with each other. How do cultural differences affect commucation? What can be done to improve cross-cultural communication?

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that sport is very important for society. Others, however, argue that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.