IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the process of using water produce electricity.

The diagram below shows the process of using water produce electricity.
The illustration depicts how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electricity
Use synonyms
 is produced using
water
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
water
Use synonyms
 is the key
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 generating hydro-electric power. The
water
Use synonyms
 has to flow from the elevated location. The
water
Use synonyms
 will not be wasted and restored to be able to be used again. At the outset, the heat of the sun causes evaporation of the
water
Use synonyms
 in the sea, which will
causing
Change the verb form
cause
be causing
show examples
raining
Replace the word
rain
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
, the
water
Use synonyms
 from the rain will be kept in the reservoir. When the
process
Use synonyms
id
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 initiated, the dam will be opened, allowing the
water
Use synonyms
 to flow to the
turbine
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gravity.
Use synonyms
Turbine
Add an article
The turbine
show examples
 is where the
process
Use synonyms
 of producing
electricity
Use synonyms
 occurs. The
turbine
Use synonyms
 will produce the
electricity
Use synonyms
 and send it to the high voltage cables.
Next,
Linking Words
the
electricity
Use synonyms
 will be transmitted to the transformer station. It will transform the
electricity
Use synonyms
 and send it to places
such
Linking Words
 as schools or hospitals through the underground cables. Interestingly, after the
process
Use synonyms
 is done, the
water
Use synonyms
 will not be wasted as it can be used again. The
water
Use synonyms
 will flow from the
turbine
Use synonyms
 to the pump, and it will be pumped to the reservoir, ready to be used again when the
process
Use synonyms
 is repeated. In conclusion, the
water
Use synonyms
 will not be regarded as a waste as it will be kept in the reservoir, allowing
electricity
Use synonyms
 to be produced throughout the year.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, water, process, turbine with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: