IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university ?

#people #universities #graduates #skills #workplace #function #university #access #sake #course #employer
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Whether higher education should equip students with practical knowledge and the tools they can use in future work or whether the main purpose of the
university
 is to teach the way of learning has become a hotly debated topic nowadays. I tend to believe that every course at the
university
 is helpful for the work environment, even if it is not a professional one. On the one hand, graduates expect the
university
 to provide the relevant knowledge that must be helpful in their careers.
For example
, people who decide to learn accountancy are choosing the best institution in order to learn from the best professors,
such
 as the
University
 of Haifa. I have chosen
this
 place for my study
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and got great practical material,
however
, it was not enough for working as an accountant, as two years of internship should be accomplished as well.
Nevertheless
, it was enough to pass the professional exams for the first time.
On the other hand
, a
university
 is a great place where people can get useful skills that not obviously are relevant to their future profession.
For instance
, the general degree at Haifa
University
 is not dedicated to any specific profession. Students learn many different courses from different departments, so what they really get from that degree is the ability to work with large amounts of different information and flexibility in their future careers. That increases their chances of finding a job in a very competitive market.
To conclude
, from my point of view, universities should provide different courses, because even if at first glance some of them look irrelevant to the post-graduate reality, they still develop relevant skills for successful careers in the real world.
Submitted by vikiregev on

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Task Achievement
Your essay generally covers the task by addressing both sides of the argument and giving your opinion. However, try to expand your points more clearly and logically. For instance, you could elaborate further on how universities can balance both roles: providing practical skills and fostering intellectual growth.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use more transition words and phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' and 'In addition' to better connect your ideas. This will help improve the flow of your essay.
Introduction/Conclusion
The essay's introduction sets up the issue well, and the conclusion effectively wraps up your argument. This helps keep the reader engaged and provides a clear structure.
Relevant Specific Examples
You provide relevant specific examples, such as your experience at the University of Haifa, which adds credibility to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lifelong learning
  • Holistic development
  • Vocational training
  • Industry-specific competencies
  • Critical thinking
  • Creative problem-solving
  • Academic research
  • Intellectual development
  • Ethics and values
  • Societal contribution
  • Job market demands
  • Practical training
  • Internships
  • Knowledge advancement
  • Global challenges
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