Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages?

In several countries, many
people
really want to
searching
Change the verb
search
show examples
the
history
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
house
or apartment that they stay in.
According to
this
issue, there are reasons and the way
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
try to find out the
history
of their
house
.
Firstly
,
people
always
Add a missing verb
are always
show examples
scared about the
history
of their
house
like the murderer or the ghost that came before.
Example
Change preposition
For example
show examples
, if we did not know about the story of our
house
, bad
things
may happen like the possibility of robbers
come
Wrong verb form
coming
show examples
in. So, by knowing more about our
house
, we will learn how to protect
our self
Correct your spelling
ourselves
show examples
from all of
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
bad
things
.
Secondly
, there
so
Add a missing verb
are so
show examples
many
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
to find out about
history
Add an article
the history
show examples
of our
house
such
as asking
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the previous
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
lived in
because
Correct pronoun usage
it because
show examples
they know what
happens
Wrong verb form
happened
show examples
before we came and
stay
Wrong verb form
stayed
show examples
in. Maybe the
house
must be prayed
by
Change preposition
for by
show examples
the
people
who want to stay in to resist any bad
things
and it has to
done
Change the form of the verb
do
show examples
because if it does not, that bad
things
will
be appear
Change the verb form
appear
show examples
. And there are some
people
searching
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
house
just want to know it deeply without any intentions.
Submitted by igbalalfariezy on

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task achievement
Ensure the essay addresses the specific question being asked. The written piece did not respond to the given topic regarding the advantages and disadvantages of medical services being run by profit-making companies. Instead, the essay discussed reasons and methods people use to find out the history of their homes, which is unrelated to the original prompt.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clear and logical structure for the essay with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion. The essay should begin with an introduction to the topic, followed by paragraphs that address the main points with relevant examples, and a concluding paragraph that summarizes the arguments or restates the opinion.
coherence cohesion
Support the main points with well-developed ideas and relevant examples. The essay should contain clear arguments supported by evidence or reasons, and if possible, include real-life examples or data to make the assertions more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that the response is fully related to the prompt and consistently maintains focus on the topic. In this essay, the content was unrelated to the prompts about healthcare and profit-making companies. Instead, the writer should ensure to address the key aspects of the prompt given.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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