IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some People believe that it is the responsibility of the individuals to take care of their own health.Others believe that government should make sure that their citizen are healthy. discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is commonly believed that
,
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apply
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taking care of their
health
Use synonyms
 is masses a big responsibilities responsibility
while
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 others opine that authorities should ensure their natives are physically fit. I completely agree with the former one and discuss both views in
further
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 paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, it is
locals'
Correct article usage
the locals'
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 own duty to take care of their own
health
Use synonyms
 because they know how to remain fit in their daily life lives. To explain it, when it is about personal
health
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 they are much more concerned regarding exercise,
food
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, choosing fresh fruits, water,
vitamin
Fix the agreement mistake
vitamins
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, and avoiding unhealthy
food
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,
besides
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, they are aware of portions of medicine as well.
For example
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,in
asurvey
Correct your spelling
a survey
 conducted by
an
Correct article usage
a
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 Indian well-known Dr. Proodip, during
during
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apply
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pregnancy, period women can look after themselves more than families or doctors.
As a result
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, no one can
not
Rephrase
apply
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maintain the way she or he knows when they need exercise, the amount of
food
Use synonyms
 and
nutrition
Correct article usage
the nutrition
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 balance decided by them.
On the other hand
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, a plethora of duties are taken on by administrations because they are accountable for keeping their locals fit and happy.
In other words
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, the regime can impose extra VAT on
food
Use synonyms
 which is not healthy for the general public.
In addition
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, officials can import fresh vegetables and fruits so that the masses can collect as much as they need.
For instance
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, the Canadian govt takes
such
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 kind of initiative for their individuals every two months.
Thus
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, law enforcement can play
this
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 role to ensure public
health
Use synonyms
 and safety
otherwise
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 if they become sick they will be more liable.
However
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, the regime can not provide
the
Correct article usage
an
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 instant solution or medical emergency all of a sudden, it takes some time to execute the methods. In conclusion, governments and individuals both play a significant role, which in fact undeniable
however
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, I firmly believe that people are more responsible for taking care of their personal fitness.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure. Be consistent in your paragraphing and avoid abrupt changes in discussion points.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. The introduction should clearly state the topic, and your conclusion should effectively summarize your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point with supporting sentences that expand on the idea. Use specific examples to give weight to your arguments and illustrate your points.
task achievement
Make sure you answer all parts of the task by discussing both views and providing your own opinion. Ensure that your response is complete without omitting any essential parts of the prompt.
task achievement
Generate clear and comprehensive ideas in your writing. Each paragraph should present a coherent idea, avoiding vague or undeveloped concepts.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. General statements should be backed up with specific details that demonstrate the validity of your arguments.
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