In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
It is a common belief that
children
are often told that they can achieve anything if they have enough effort. It seems to me that Use synonyms
these
Correct your spelling
there
is
a more persuasive Change the verb form
are
arguments
that you should Correct the article-noun agreement
argument
Teaching
Change the verb form
Teach
be Teaching
children
makes them feel pressured or difficult to achieve but doesn't want to do it Use synonyms
this
has both pros and cons. I will examine both viewpoints in the following essay .
On the one hand, Linking Words
as for
the advantage helps Change preposition
apply
children
know more about what they can do. And help Use synonyms
children
motivated to work towards their goals without giving up halfway. For Use synonyms
examples
, we can learn a certain subject and with Fix the agreement mistake
example
such
Linking Words
teaching
they will make an effort without feeling pressured by it but they will try to achieve what they want.
On the one hand, as for the disadvantage we can you may not be able to achieve it because of lack of effort and you may give up halfway, so if there is no culture like that, very few Add a comma
teaching,
children
will achieve their dreams.Use synonyms
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. There's a need to clearly differentiate between paragraphs and ideas. Aim to have a distinct introduction, at least two body paragraphs (one for advantages and one for disadvantages), and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to be clearer and more distinct. The introduction should set the stage for what the essay will cover, without giving away all the details, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the points made without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
The main points in the essay are not well-supported. Each advantage and disadvantage needs to be explained clearly and followed with specific examples to illustrate your point. Additionally, work on creating separate paragraphs for each main point to improve readability.
task achievement
The essay does not completely respond to the task. It is required to elaborately discuss the advantages and disadvantages of telling children that they can achieve anything with enough effort. The response needs to be specific and complete.
task achievement
Your ideas are not expressed clearly and comprehensively. Strive to articulate your points clearly and ensure they are well thought out and developed. Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to convey your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
There is a lack of relevant and specific examples to support the arguments. Specific real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios can significantly strengthen your argument and provide concrete evidence for your claims.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.