The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view?
Nowadays shopping
becomes
a hobby for many people. There is a fear factor Wrong verb form
has become
on
Change preposition
of
yougsters
wasting their free Correct your spelling
youngsters
time
mostly in shopping which could lead to bad
impact towards them and Correct article usage
a bad
to
the community. I agree Change preposition
on
this
statement since spending spare Change preposition
with this
time
on shopping will not have any improvements personally and also
avoids thinking about doing some social activities.
Youngsters are back bone
to Correct your spelling
backbone
the
society but when their focus is changed towards only spending all their free Correct article usage
apply
time
to
buying clothes and gadgets Change preposition
apply
instead
of doing anything betterment
for themselves or Replace the word
better
to
Change preposition
apply
the
society creates more negative impacts. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, a person who spend
some of his free Change the verb form
spends
time
for
improving his skills or learning new things will help him to get a better job and good salary. Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, if the young people are trying to do social service
like providing food and education for poor children can improve their community in Fix the agreement mistake
services
better
place.
Everyone needs Add an article
a better
sometime
in their personal life for their own satisfaction and Replace the word
some time
i
would say it is fine to Change the capitalization
I
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
few
hours Correct article usage
a few
to purchase
the items needed in a week or a month. But the problem here is young people are now only Change the verb form
purchasing
primarly
focused on Correct your spelling
primarily
this
only
Rephrase
apply
instead
doing
anything Change preposition
of doing
vaulable
. We should able to maintain equally to enjoy and for improvements Correct your spelling
viable
otherwise
this
will lead to no improvement on their skills which will eventually makes
them not able to get Change the verb form
make
good
job.
In conclusion, I would say youngster should focus on their spare Change the article
a good
time
to improve themselves and do
some contributions to society Verb problem
make
instead
of just spending more hours on only on
purchasing which could lead them to Rephrase
apply
struck in
the same job and salary and no benefits to the community.Verb problem
get
Submitted by mailramkrish on
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Task Achievement
Task Achievement: Your essay does not fully answer the question as it requires a discussion of the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the given view. Make certain that your position is clear throughout the essay, whether you are completely in agreement, completely disagreeing, or presenting a balanced view. You should develop your arguments systematically, providing clear reasons and relevant examples to support your viewpoint. Your examples are somewhat generic, and the essay would benefit greatly from more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: You've structured your essay with basic clarity, but there are opportunities for improvement. A stronger logical progression and use of cohesive devices could help link ideas and paragraphs more effectively. Focus on the smooth transition between your points to enhance the flow of your essay. Additionally, it is important to vary your sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic competency and to keep the reader engaged. Use a range of linking words and make sure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.