IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
A great number of state believes
in
Change preposition
that
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 financial progress is their most important purpose
while
 others believe there are different kinds of developments which equally important for a country. I strongly believe that
financal
Correct your spelling
financial
 situation should not be the only aim for a nation. First of all, from my point of view, there are several significant things
besides
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 for
a
Correct article usage
the
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 public,
for
instance
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instance,
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 one of them is art. As far as I am concerned, art demonstrates a nation's culture and welfare. I
am intend
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intend
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 to mention my Italy trip. I was extremely impressed
their
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by their
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 churches and structures which have remained since
Roman
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the Roman
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 Empire. The other thought I would like to discuss is science. Of
course
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course,
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 some amount of money is required for
researches
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research
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 but it is not the most crucial value for it.
In addition
, the most rich countries are leading the globe thanks to their success in science fields.
For
example
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example,
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 Japan, one of the most famous
country
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countries
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by
Change preposition
for
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 its
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
, now has an amazing role on our planet. All in all, it seems to me that I cannot deny money's impact but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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there are
also
 other values which equally significant.
Submitted by fatmanurdonertas on

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Introduction Structure
The essay should have a clear introduction in which the topic and the writer's opinion are presented. Consider reworking the introduction to directly address the prompt and state the purpose of the essay.
Conclusion Structure
There's a lack of clear conclusion which summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion. Make sure to write a clear conclusion that wraps up the essay effectively.
Logical Structure
Work on developing a logical flow, with clear paragraphing, each handling a single idea conclusively before moving on to the next. This enhances coherence.
Idea Development
The essay needs fully developed ideas with explanations and relevant, specific examples. Each point should be elaborated adequately.
Task Completion
In Task Achievement, ensure you address all parts of the task. Both views and your own opinion should be discussed thoroughly, with each viewpoint explored in separate paragraphs.
Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and topic-related vocabulary to show lexical resource and to create a smooth flow within and across paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
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