Some people think employers should not care about the way their employees dress, but the quality at work. To what extent you agree or disagree?

#people #employers #care #employees #dress #quality #work

Ensuring a high standard of work is occurring within the

work place

Correct your spelling

workplace

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should be more important than governing

employees

Change noun form

employees'

employee's

show examples

dress codes. In

this

essay, I will discuss why I agree with

this

notion and form a conclusion.

Firstly

, the realm of working is vastly different from educational facilities that place a significant emphasis on dress

code

Fix the agreement mistake

codes

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. People within

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occupation should maintain a professional standard of attire, but should not be dictated or chastised on their choice of clothing.

This

is because

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apply

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the

employers

Change to a genitive case

employer's

employers'

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main focus should be centred around progression and an adequate quality of production coming from their

employees

Furthermore

, there is no direct correlation between professional attire and the material

that is

generated within the environment. As long as a company is functioning on a sufficient basis

then

this

should be the only concern of the head of the department.

Secondly

, everyone within

Change the article

show examples

industry is on

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show examples

even playing field and are all responsible, mature adults. No one should be belittled or made to feel inadequate in their choice of dress, as every single person within that office is working to the same efficiency and are all equally as committed.

On the other hand

, a scale of uniform or unspoken level of dressing is a distinguishing factor when performing in a career.

Employees

are a direct representative of the employers

as well as

of their company.

Therefore

, it is paramount that every person looks and plays the part of the industry they are a part of, so

not

Correct word choice

as not

show examples

to bring shame or embarrassment onto the team.

Additionally

, cohesive fashion brings a sense of community, companionship and teamwork . Everyone feels united and understands that they are a part of something bigger. In conclusion, it is advisable that the focus of a job should be on the work generated rather than on the choice of the

employees

Change to a genitive case

employee's

employees'

show examples

fashion.

Submitted by abeera2012 on Thu Dec 21 2023

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task response

The essay provides a clear position and attempts to present supporting arguments. However, some ideas could be expanded further with more specific examples and explanation. To enhance performance on task response, ensure that each main point is accompanied by appropriate and relevant examples that illustrate the argument effectively. Make sure to always keep the reader informed as to why the point you're making is relevant to the question posed and ensure every part of the task prompt is directly addressed.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a decent logical structure: it includes an introduction and a conclusion along with body paragraphs that each present a distinct main point. However, the connection between ideas can be improved. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to ensure your essay flows better. Also, make sure each paragraph discusses a clear central idea and that all sentences within it relate directly to this central idea for higher coherence. Maintain paragraph unity by starting with a topic sentence that signals what the paragraph will be about and then provide support that directly relates back to this topic sentence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

311 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think employers should not care about the way their employees dress, but the quality at work. To what extent you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

An increasing trend nowadays is for young adults to play computer games. some people say this is negative development . Discuss and give your opinion.

Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?