The percentage of overweight children in Western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss causes and effects of this disturbing trends. Give your solution for the causes.
These days,
children
suffer the obesity issue
across the globe, especially Fix the agreement mistake
issues
Change preposition
in western
western
nations. Capitalize word
Western
As a result
, westernised
Correct article usage
the westernised
toddlers
obesity Change the noun form
toddler
issue
ratio has increased by almost twenty percentage
in the Replace the word
per cent
last
decade. Overconsumption of junk
foods
and beverages are the main reasons and it can bring more health issues and bullying from others. However
, there are some feasible solutions to reduce this
adverse trend.
To begin
with, in Western nation's
Change noun form
nation
children
eat more and more junk
foods
and beverages frequently like regular meals
, consequence, they affect a plethora of health issues because they eat unhealthy meals
and this
junk
food's ingredients are added
some chemicals to bring more taste. Wrong verb form
add
For example
, pizza and hamburger's
ingredients have more chemicals, Change noun form
hamburger
even
though, kids like to eat these Correct word choice
and even
meanwhile
they suffer Rephrase
apply
obesity
Change preposition
from obesity
issue
by
fat. Change preposition
of
In addition
, child
suffers bullying from others who are fit and lean, Add an article
the child
a child
thus
, some kids might kill themselves.
Although
, there are some feasible measurements can
reduce Correct pronoun usage
that can
this
adverse phenomenon. One of the major remedies is that parents should cook healthy meals
at their
home in Western countries, and Correct pronoun usage
apply
as a result
, children
can eat a
healthy Correct article usage
apply
dish
Fix the agreement mistake
dishes on
regular
basis.and they Correct article usage
a regular
far
Add a missing verb
are far
way
from the overweight Correct your spelling
away
issue
. For instance
, parents prepare salad and bread toast for their loved ones while
kids not
eat Change the verb form
do not
did not
junk
foods
. Another remedy is that the authority should foster to Fix the agreement mistake
food
children
do some physical exercise by creating awareness in order to overweight issue
might be reduced.
To conclude
, overconsumption of junk
foods
and beverages are
the main cause of child overweight in Western nations and it brings bullying from others who fit and lean Correct subject-verb agreement
is
as well as
health issues are the effects. However
, some feasible solutions can diminish this
phenomenon such
as the authorities should create
awareness about Wrong verb form
creating
the
physical exercise and parents Correct article usage
apply
cook
at Wrong verb form
cooking
their
home to Correct pronoun usage
apply
practice
their child eat healthy Verb problem
encourage
meals
.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of the essay, ensure that each paragraph presents a clear main idea followed by supporting sentences that develop that idea further. Transition signals between ideas and paragraphs can also enhance the logical flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and a conclusion are indeed present. To further improve, ensure that they are more tightly related, where the introduction sets the stage for the discussion and the conclusion neatly wraps up the essay's main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported, but you should strive to develop them further with more detailed explanations, in-depth analysis, and a wider range of examples to strengthen the arguments presented within the essay.
task achievement
The response covers the task, providing causes, effects, and solutions, but some parts are reiterative. Increase the depth of the discussion and ensure all parts answer the question fully. Avoid repetition to maintain the examiner's interest.
task achievement
The ideas are relevant but could be expressed more clearly and developed more comprehensively. Work on varying your sentence structures and check for grammatical accuracy to ensure clarity. Refine your idea development with additional substantial arguments and pertinent illustrations.
task achievement
Examples used to illustrate points should be specific, relevant, and convincingly support the point being made. Aim to include a mix of personal, hypothetical, and real-world examples to effectively demonstrate the understanding of the topic.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...