IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In certain countries famous festival witch attract million of people on site. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such popular festivals

#countries #witch #million #people #site #festivals
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In some countries,
festivals
Use synonyms
 become popular and
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 a main part of most of the big holidays. Big
festivals
Use synonyms
 attract
miliions
Correct your spelling
millions
 of
people
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 on site come to come and enjoy the intensive activities and its vibes. In a good way, famous
festivals
Use synonyms
 contribute
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the economic growth of the communities,
as well as
Linking Words
 promote cultural heritage.
However
Linking Words
, the downsides of them are the increase of criminal activities and
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
.
Undoubtely
Correct your spelling
Undoubtedly
, well-known
festivals
Use synonyms
 boost
economy
Add an article
the economy
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 by increasing income and revenue for locals sharply. Specifically, hotels and
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
 are usually fully booked, restaurants and shops extend their business hours for visitors.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, more jobs are created temporarily in order to serve millions of
people
Use synonyms
. In some places,
yearly
Correct article usage
the yearly
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 earnings of the locals come from
these period
Change the determiner
this period
these periods
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 of time mainly.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,
festivals
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 play an important part in preserving cultural heritage when
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 promote traditions to many
guest
Change to a plural noun
guests
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
 with the good parts, large
festivals
Use synonyms
 usually cause
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 criminal activities.
For instance
Linking Words
, robberies and thefts are common in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crowds where
people
Use synonyms
less
Add a missing verb
are less
show examples
 likely to pay attention to their belongings.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, noise pollution is not avoidable ,it disturbs
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
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 time of seniors and small babies who live around these areas. Other than that, local landfills will suffer from tons of
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
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 from the
festivals
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 and their visitors, which will take years to recover. In conclusion, famous
festivals
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brings
Change the verb form
bring
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 both pros and cons for local
people
Use synonyms
 and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
Festivals
Use synonyms
 are organized more often as their benefits are greater.
However
Linking Words
, to minimize negative effects, organizers need to have better operations and waste control.
Submitted by thanhvan230688 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, it would be beneficial for the writer to make better use of linking words and phrases to create a smoother flow between ideas. Furthermore, the logical structure of the essay could be enhanced by having a clearer overall progression of ideas, ensuring that each paragraph logically leads to the next.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, although the essay manages to address both the advantages and disadvantages of famous festivals, it only does so in a general way. To achieve a higher score, providing specific examples that show a deeper level of analysis for each point made would strengthen the argument. Additionally, it is essential to ensure that all aspects of the task are covered comprehensively, which in this case includes thoroughly examining both the advantages and disadvantages without a perceived imbalance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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