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Writing Samples /
Band 2

Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures, music or film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restriction on what they do To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#artists #freedom #pictures #music #film #government #restriction
Give freedom to artists to pop out
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 emotions in writings, paintings, music or film should not Connect to government policy on what they do. I could not agree more with
this
 issue. I believe
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 about the
artists
Change to a genitive case
artist's
artists'
show examples
 thoughts that they implement
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their creations and no one can bother
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. First and foremost,
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
Change preposition
of type
show examples
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
 nowadays are
the implementation
Wrong verb form
implemented
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the maker either about their feeling or their desire. The majority of songwriters add their thoughts to the lyrics so that they can express their
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 and
also
 the listener can enjoy the song that the artist did.
As well as
 painters spill their
express
Replace the word
expression
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the
art
 they paint and
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
bunch
Correct article usage
a bunch
show examples
 of paintings.
Furthermore
, painters tend to sacrifice their emotions to the
art
 they create and
that is
 the thing that people outside the
art
 can not contribute.
in addition
, there is no connection between
art
 and government so there should
no
Add a missing verb
be no
show examples
 restriction on what artists do. Another point is,
Submitted by syifensaft on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logically structured argument, and there are issues with paragraphing as well. Consider using a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion structure, where each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
task achievement
The response is incomplete and does not address the prompt fully. To achieve a higher score, ensure that you develop your ideas fully with clear explanations and relevant examples. The essay should also present a clear position throughout the response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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